INTRANSIT
on Words by Dovina
17 Aug 2005, 4:04 PM
9.999 the word (word) at the start of s-2 really pisses me off. Word?
Not necessarily, Caducus. One does not know how badly the water will sting untill they've gathered their cojones to jump from the high dive. 10 for that alone. Love the first stanza. Thought a favorite poet of yours had passed.
I suggest, kill s-3 and s-4, save the penultimate and attach it to the bottom of s-2. Leave the end.
please drop the full stop at the end of s-2. some stanzas have a submissive beat others don't. why?
I got interchangeability between man/god/angels.
For some reason that works for me.
Pretty hardcore -7-
Lindz14
Good Job -8-
Lindz14
This is great -8-
Lindz14
good poem...how about this for a last line...
In the life hereafter...;)
I really like this...its a fav!!! Bethy
Yes, God did enter my mind...but I was kinda thinking about my Dad...:) Bethy
hehehe...I made a mistake once...but I was wrong...lol cool poem :) Bethy
With the changing seasons, your spirit dies then is reborn...its sad, but then if we could all be little orange flowers...we could refresh ourselves seasonally and be new again...sounds good eh...lol :) :) Bethy
Verry Good....:) Bethy
thankyou,
but tell me,
how is it sad?
Nice...yet sad...:) Bethy
Jeepers...I like this poem...very flowing...yet the subject is a little on the interesting side...:) Bethy
Oh dear. All in all, I think I wouldn't notice you were gone and I'm trying my hardest to forget. Also, giraffe has an 'e' and in the penultimate line it should be you're not your.
I know that, it's just not as enjoyable to read as the first verse.
It should have been 'could be eroded'. And it must be taken with the previous few lines, which talk about God only revealing himself through other people. You can't use Biblical references against this line because the Bible is the words of others afterall. If you didn't believe the disciples through the Bible, wouldn't that be eroding your faith?
Your right about the prose comment. However, im debating whether the stoned comment was a good thing or a bad thing. Ill have to try it sometime and see for myself.
BTW, "posesss what beauty you percieve" contains two misspelled words.