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The Giant Verse (Free verse) by drnick
Cigarette seems like a good idea, Though I never had a drag, The world is at your fingertips, And still you point and laugh, Battered, broke, and caved-in, Suppose I should head home, Still you look at me like I'm not, The only one alone, If I leave bet that my mind, Has not traveled far, I'm left weak and sick with disease, When we are apart, Gunshot wounds to the heart tend, To rain less than they pour, Trustingly I'll wait for you, Inside a house with unhinged doors, It's too easy to sing a song, And mess up all the words, Illusions are preferred to truth, But whatever-if it works, She should take him by the hand, And lead him the wrong ways, Right before he learns that he would, Have left before he stayed.

Down the ladder: Or So They Say

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Arithmetic Mean: 4.0
Weighted score: 4.9525743
Overall Rank: 8766
Posted: August 18, 2005 1:51 AM PDT; Last modified: January 25, 2006 7:38 PM PST
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Comments:
[9] Lindz14 @ 65.93.139.23 | 18-Aug-05/8:15 AM | Reply
This is a pretty chillin poem man.....
"Gunshot wounds to the heart tend,
To rain less than they pour,
A reality not occured well in,
The land of unhinged doors,"
That's pretty intense -9-
Lindz14
[n/a] ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69 | 19-Aug-05/7:30 AM | Reply
Loose "Beside a path of broken darts". It just sounds goofy. You have an engine that has some good parts but you need to assemble it better. Get your thoughts to connect with each other. Then rev that engine up.

Last line should be "Rather HAVE left before he stayed."
[n/a] ALChemy @ 65.188.89.69 > ALChemy | 19-Aug-05/7:31 AM | Reply
correction: lose not loose
[8] Bethy @ 24.222.32.247 | 20-Aug-05/2:38 PM | Reply
this is great...Bethy :)
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