Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 86.137.108.154	21-Sep-06/12:31 AM
Hey Amanda, sorry I've not yet replied to your email. I will though, bear with me! This seems very much like a short psalm; lyrical and dramatic. I'd split line 2 into two (finish on 'night'), and finish line 3 on something other than '-ing' (give it a word with a strong ending). Still nice, needs music methinks :-)
Re: a comment on The Surfer's Prayer by flock	flock 198.54.202.234	21-Sep-06/12:12 AM
everything.
Re: I Have, Because I Am by flock	half.italian 70.36.242.152	20-Sep-06/8:55 PM
I kind of liked the first few stanzas, but it just got worse as it went on, and then worse again until the final cliche ruined it entirely.
Re: a comment on Flea poem by Sing4Jesus!	pete 195.92.168.170	20-Sep-06/7:50 PM
damn freud with his ego-system small minds inhabit large legends
Re: Fun At The Gynaecologists by Edna Sweetlove	colbaby 203.166.96.236	20-Sep-06/6:02 PM
Women have all the fun. I wish I was one. I'm going to the dentist. 9/10.
Re: a comment on Flea poem by Sing4Jesus!	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:10 PM
You sound like a moronic nerd. Why not rate it instead of writing illiterate turd-shite?
Re: love is true by -=??lilaznjen??=-	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:08 PM
You appear to be ill.
Re: life by -=??lilaznjen??=-	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:07 PM
10/10 for tragic garbage.
Re: Jesus by Sing4Jesus!	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:05 PM
Hilarious. You are clearly demented.
Re: The Surfer's Prayer by flock	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:04 PM
What the "Lord" has to do with it, I really D.K.
Re: Ellipses by MacFrantic	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:03 PM
You have shown promise here. But this is total ratshit.
Re: Songs of the hedge bird by ALChemy	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:02 PM
Slop.
Re: Quatrain by ALChemy	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/5:01 PM
No.
Re: Constipation by colbaby	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/4:59 PM
This is charming indeed. I am tempted to give 10/10 but 9 will have to do, mainly because you omitted any mentioned of the joy of a self-administered soapy enema.
Re: Constipation by colbaby	Edna Sweetlove 85.210.255.61	20-Sep-06/4:59 PM
This is charming indeed. I am tempted to give 10/10 but 9 will have to do, mainly because you omitted any mentioned of the joy of a self-administered soapy enema.
Re: a comment on Constipation by colbaby	colbaby 203.166.96.237	20-Sep-06/4:52 PM
I'm in Sydney and I feel like a pint.
Re: In the hollow (rough) by ecargo	dvincent 71.109.114.41	20-Sep-06/4:30 PM
Ecargo This is nice, dreamy, lyrical poem with some intersting memories and vivid descriptions. And you've gone for the fine detail, the wonderful small things (... brown, bare legs...crosshatched with careless priker scrapes..." and (...tapping in and out, double-time running hollows..) We don't often think about these, but they're what makes the poem a very intimate and honest expereince. You also have some choices that are a little too easy (e.g. we think of them right away) "...hard hands and jagged voices..." "pussy-willow spring..." "sang their soft night songs..." These have no suprise or punch. Hold out for the fresh surprises, not the "usual". Good poem!
Re: Farewell, Kind Lover by Dovina	dvincent 71.109.114.41	20-Sep-06/3:27 PM
I just had to comment on one phrase, "...sprouts feeling the sky for {a} twist of updraft" Very clean and unique. Sorry for inserting the "a". That's the only change I would have made. Good work.
Re: Once they were gliders. by half.italian	dvincent 71.109.114.41	20-Sep-06/3:19 PM
Half.italian Your imagery and lyrical cadences are great -- "Hack along making tin out of silience." "gutter up and sigh in turn." That's good, vivid and musical language. One thing I just realized that I think would help this. You should have named it simply "Cars" and in the second line where you say the word "cars" maybe changed that to "coupes" (the choked up coupes)or "sedans" or "wagons" or... not sure. Anyway, very nice poem.
Re: In the hollow (rough) by ecargo	Ranger 81.158.79.172	20-Sep-06/12:26 PM
Love the content, don't love the mixed stresses at the line ends (you can tell I've been reading about this stuff, can't you? Credit/blame must go to Stephen Fry) - you could get away with all feminine endings in the first stanza (representing the little girl) but in stanza 2 where you talk about 'hard hands' and 'jagged voices' I'd make the line end sharply. Can't complain about the imagery though, and the language, as always, is beautiful :-)