Re: a comment on Weather poem part 6: idols by nypoet22	Ranger 81.151.9.5	21-Sep-06/1:49 PM
P.S. - favourited :-)
Re: Weather poem part 6: idols by nypoet22	Ranger 81.151.9.5	21-Sep-06/1:48 PM
I was going to hold commenting on anything else until tomorrow, but this can't wait. 'Damned impressive' doesn't really do justice to it; the concept at least is worthy of top scores. If you could intersperse a few more rhymes among the verses (just like I've done there ;-) ) I think it would flow so much quicker. Also think a certain amount of revision needs to take place with the metric consistency, but I love love love the content. Particularly the end, but I think that generally this is the best I've seen of yours.
Re: You by amanda_dcosta	A_Dark_Calm 71.75.188.163	21-Sep-06/11:05 AM
Reminds me of my girlfriend Lola. She's my angel.
Re: a comment on Jose Streets by SupremeDreamer	Ranger 86.142.242.175	21-Sep-06/11:03 AM
It's okay, I think I'm going to have to get used to people saying it if I ever want to visit America ;-)
Re: a comment on Week End Justification by half.italian	Ranger 86.142.242.175	21-Sep-06/11:01 AM
It's true. You'll find a million puns in anything (at least, in anything long enough to contain a million puns). Go all-out Freudian in your writing. What's really clever though is to read through your own works, spot the potential, and work on it - make it intentional. Then you get uber points, from me at least!
Re: a comment on Its Hard to Say by celticskatermatt1	Ranger 86.142.242.175	21-Sep-06/10:55 AM
Yes, but give it a few days and you'll have developed an amazing ability to predict which poems to read properly, and which to just skim through. Trust me on this.
Re: Normality by colbaby	Ranger 86.142.242.175	21-Sep-06/10:49 AM
The finest 'Vulgar Poeme' on poemranker, at least of those I've read recently. Line two needs tweaking, the rhythm's out slightly. 'I've lost another shoelace in this giant vat of beer' 'You've made me drop my salad and you've burnt my slice of cow' 'It's nothing new for me to be content with talking shit' !!!!! Please keep posting :-D
Re: You by amanda_dcosta	Ranger 86.142.242.175	21-Sep-06/10:43 AM
Line 4 - reduce to just 'descend' Line 22 - change round to 'He opens new doors' (sounds incredibly forced at the moment) Last line...'big bad' is a little trite, this poem needs a killer endline to really knock us for six. I have to say, though, I'm glad to see you posting again - it's good to be able to rely on someone to post lighthearted and all-round nice poetry :-)
Re: Week End Justification by half.italian	dvincent 71.109.114.41	21-Sep-06/10:40 AM
Half.italian, another good poem! Original, lyrical and thoughtful. "Bones rubber a bit.." is great! I'm not crazy about "...fly tipsy...", but I also love the last three lines. The point is: it's not "the usual." It's a fresh, UNusual way of looking at a subject, with fresh, unusual word choices. Nice job.
Re: a comment on Suicide Dream by Ranger	Ranger 86.142.242.175	21-Sep-06/10:38 AM
Many thanks, glad you liked it :-) (I should probably go and read some 17th century poetry now... ;-) )
Re: a comment on I Have, Because I Am by flock	Ranger 86.142.242.175	21-Sep-06/10:35 AM
Well okay, the poet has two categories of experience, and emphasises the unusual more than the usual. Fair enough, and rightly so. But this is a poem - and therefore it needs to be presented in an effective way. It made little impact on me and, it appears, little impact on the first two readers as well. I like the message, I think it needs to be said as often as possible, but my gripe is that it's been said in a way which left no impression on me (remember, this is simply my view - not a universal by any means). I believe this could have been done better, and I think if the poet wants to experiment with it, he/she will find that it achieves different reactions. It's about the poet's perspective? That's debatable. After all, any text can be interpreted in a multitude of ways - the longer the piece, the more variations in interpretation (see Empson's rather compelling interpretation of Paradise Lost). Once a piece of literature leaves the author's quill it becomes public property. Any interpretation which logically and consistently holds up must be valid. What authority does the author have to say how a text should or should not be read? --am I right in thinking that the quote means that people produce better work when praised rather than criticised? I'm not sure I agree with it...I probably sound like an argumentative sod, believe me that I'm just interested to find out other peoples' views :-)
Re: Suicide Dream by Ranger	leonxic 129.7.120.229	21-Sep-06/10:29 AM
How 17th century of you. There's a very nice flow to this and the word choice is perfect.
Re: Musical Buttocks - Cha cha cha by Edna Sweetlove	leonxic 129.7.120.229	21-Sep-06/10:26 AM
I'm in complete agreement with you, although you failed to mention the large amount of fecal matter that inspired Beethoven's Symphony 'Number 2' in D Major.
Re: Its Hard to Say by celticskatermatt1	leonxic 129.7.120.229	21-Sep-06/10:17 AM
"Ohhhhh, if you want possession, it's just 'ITS', but is you want a conjunction, it's 'IT apostrophy S' ... scalawag." Very nice.
Re: a comment on I Have, Because I Am by flock	nightowl 198.54.202.234	21-Sep-06/9:50 AM
Howzit ranger! What I merely said was that there are certain things that all people can relate to, like crying about something, and then there are other things that not all of us can relate to, like hanging from a cliff. The poet, according to me, put more emphasis on those unrelatable things because those moments probably made more of an impact on him. I could be wrong but im speculating as much as any other reader would. So the other, more common things he mentioned still pertains to his experience of life and taking them out would defeat the purpose of his poem, which is an expression of his existence. It might not be spectacular to you but to him it might just be. In the end, a poem is an expression of the writer's thoughts and it all depends on the intention of the writer. If he wants to elicit any emotions from the reader or if he wants to express more of what he is feeling, then that's the way it is. To me, it's about the poet's perspective and it's awesome if the reader can see what he was on about. You can't always please everyone I guess and it's not always about us. "I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism." - Charles Schwab x
Re: if really its me by Landon2	Ranger 86.137.108.154	21-Sep-06/2:35 AM
Could do with a run through the spellcheck.
Re: a comment on I Have, Because I Am by flock	Ranger 86.137.108.154	21-Sep-06/2:33 AM
Q: 'And by reading someone else's experiences and knowing these feelings for ourselves, does this not make us relate to the poem so much more?' A: No. This is just a list of mildly emotive scenes and statements. If I put my shopping list here, would it suddenly become a marvellous piece of poetry just because lots of people have also made similar shopping lists? No it would not. The whole point of eliciting emotion is just that: that you *elicit* feelings. Hence the overriding purpose of the 'show, don't tell' guideline. If you say 'I have cried', so what? So have I, so has almost everyone else - but it's not making me feel like crying now. If you say 'I am ridiculously happy', it doesn't make me jump around for joy. Otherwise the following line should be the most emotionally evocative line in existence: "I really, really love butchering puppies". It doesn't do much except maybe make you laugh, does it? If, however, I was to write a few lines describing the wounds on said puppies, and their helplessness, then it might be more effective. Emotions have far more of an impact if the reader actually has to conjure them up on their own - which also has the added bonus of making the poem more 'personal' to the reader as well. This is why Dovina suggested keeping the more original ideas, so that the reader would actually have to work out what it might be like. By all means keep the message 'live life to the fullest' - a noble enough sentiment - but simply listing the things you've done in life doesn't motivate me to do those same things.
Re: I Have, Because I Am by flock	nightowl 198.54.202.234	21-Sep-06/1:52 AM
It starts off in an intimate detail of moments that the poet holds dear, then builds up into a climax of successive emotions and expressions of life. On Dovina's comment, yes we do all experience most of those things but isn't that what we've been given to experience? And by reading someone else's experiences and knowning these feelings and things for ourselves, does this not make us relate to the poem so much more?Isn't this what life is all about? To experience life by ourselves and with others? To be? So Flock, you were, you are and you will be because you have. Awesome poem. Continue living life to the fullest for it's been given with the greatest love. x
Re: Rain by flock	nightowl 198.54.202.226	21-Sep-06/1:31 AM
I feel it. x
Re: The Surfer's Prayer by flock	nightowl 198.54.202.234	21-Sep-06/1:29 AM
everthing and then some. well said. keep riding them waves of life with vigor and with dreams. to god be all the glory. x