poemranker ::The Surfer's Prayer by flock

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Free verse № 146381

The Surfer's Prayer

by flock

Member since 2006 · Posted 20 Sep 2006 · 6 comments

Floating on a sea of troubles, I'm calm. I see the sun set slowly in the sky While the waves gently toss me. Too deep to feel the bottom. Too cold to feel my feet. What lies beneath, I cannot tell. What flies above, I know too well. Who knows what dangers I will meet While drifting on the swell. I thank the Lord for thickened skin. I thank Him for a second wind. I thank Him for the strength to match And every wave I catch.

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6 comments

[7] ecargo 20-Sep-06/10:26 AM Reply
This has a nice simplicity in rhythm and tone. Watch your cliches (e.g., sea of troubles).
[n/a] flock › ecargo 20-Sep-06/10:33 AM Reply
Hi ecargo, Tnx for your comment.
I thought the very same thing when I wrote it, but it worked well enough, so I left it as is.
[8] Ranger 20-Sep-06/12:18 PM Reply
This would be excellent if you could put some more deep, rolling words in to imitate the sound of the sea. Last stanza is nice, although the last line seemed short (not a huge problem though). As ecargo says, beware cliches :-)
[1] Edna Sweetlove 20-Sep-06/5:04 PM Reply
What the "Lord" has to do with it, I really D.K.
[n/a] flock › Edna Sweetlove 21-Sep-06/12:12 AM Reply
everything.
[10] nightowl 21-Sep-06/1:29 AM Reply
everthing and then some. well said. keep riding them waves of life with vigor and with dreams. to god be all the glory. x