Re: The Surfer's Prayer by flock	Ranger 81.158.79.172	20-Sep-06/12:18 PM
This would be excellent if you could put some more deep, rolling words in to imitate the sound of the sea. Last stanza is nice, although the last line seemed short (not a huge problem though). As ecargo says, beware cliches :-)
Re: Rain by flock	Ranger 81.158.79.172	20-Sep-06/12:14 PM
Nice.
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	Ranger 81.158.79.172	20-Sep-06/12:11 PM
You would never hurt a prawne? I am glad to hear it; seafood cocktail of any form always makes me weep. General Thumble P. Critchford tells me that during WWII the prawnatroopers of the first regiment (the 'Pink Berets') distinguished themselves during a daring raid on the main bratwurst factory in Gelsenkirchen; supplies to the front line were crippled. Those prawnes who could adapt to swift freshwater managed to make good their escape along the Rhine and were rescued in Arnhem. Yep, we still love our pounds sterling - despite Big Tony's efforts at demolishing the English heritage we're still fighting tooth and nail against joining Europe entirely. I'm pretty bad at conversion rates, but £13-£15 sounds about right. Actually, I expected it to be more to enter a competition like this - sort of the £25 mark. I'd love to read some of your stories - I never watched Howl's Moving Castle (and I cannot justify not watching it :-( ) but I absolutely loved Spirited Away - makes top five in my all-time favourites, although I'm not a movie buff. I'm guessing you enjoyed Lord of the Rings too? Muchos kudos for actually being able to write a full-length (even short) novel; I don't have the attention span. What I've written in the past tended to turn into Pratchett-esque punfests, although I do mean to one day start that gothic story my suicide poem was based on. Time has been at a premium recently, of course, but I'm about to go back to uni for my last year so I'll have more hours during the week for writing. Actually, the last couple of days have been spent teaching myself metre (after our last convo on the ranker) so now I can talk about iambs, spondees, trochees and pyrrhic substitutions. One day I'll be able to use them too ;-) Oh - and I'm starting the Poemranker Tales, hopefully to have the intro posted soon and get other people to write sections of it. Will it work or is it doomed from the start...?
Re: a comment on The Surfer's Prayer by flock	flock 198.54.202.226	20-Sep-06/10:33 AM
Hi ecargo, Tnx for your comment. I thought the very same thing when I wrote it, but it worked well enough, so I left it as is.
Re: The Surfer's Prayer by flock	ecargo 167.219.88.140	20-Sep-06/10:26 AM
This has a nice simplicity in rhythm and tone. Watch your cliches (e.g., sea of troubles).
Re: a comment on a limerick from kent by nentwined	Ranger 81.158.79.172	20-Sep-06/10:26 AM
This is not a limerick? On what grounds do you base that? The fact that it doesn't rhyme? Well in that case, how do you account for this well-known accepted non-rhyming limerick: There was an old man of St. Bees Who was horribly stung by a wasp When they said: 'Does it hurt?' He replied: 'No it doesn't - It's a good job it wasn't a hornet' So, despite fulfilling the rhythmic requirement of a limerick, and containing the requisite Lear-esque nonsensical subject, it is not, in fact, a limerick? OH MY GOD! YOU ARE A MORE ENLIGHTENED POET THAN W.S. GILBERT!!!! I TAKE OFF MY SHOES IN YOUR HONOUR!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Re: Fare Price (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	ecargo 167.219.88.140	20-Sep-06/10:16 AM
"Fare price" as in a pun on fair with the connotation of travel (i.e., to heaven)? If so, it might be a little overplayed with 3 repetitions as well as the title. It is a good topic for poetic examination. I wrote an Xmas poem once like this, something like "you'd think these shelves held souls--buy now! We'll throw in sanctity/and absolution, absolutely free!" So I get what you're saying here, I think.
Re: a comment on Constipation by colbaby	Ranger 81.158.79.172	20-Sep-06/10:15 AM
You see, my good ol' grandaddy emigrated to Oz years ago, so whatever happens I can't mock Australia without mocking my own family. Except, of course, for when we beat you in the Ashes ;-) Which region are you in?
Re: Staring through you by creepshow	ecargo 167.219.88.140	20-Sep-06/10:12 AM
Wow--hope that released some of the obvious animosity. If you peel away some of this, you'd have the makings of a decent "fuck you" zombie poem.
Re: a comment on Vodka kisses & the final sigh. by SupremeDreamer	SupremeDreamer 71.133.225.30	20-Sep-06/8:56 AM
Ah, ok Edna, relax now, we all know I'm not illiterate. Just twisted. :) You wanna make some sweet love now? I like it rough, maybe you can do some dominatrix shit, eh? C'mon Edna, lets make sweet love together!! Call me, 1-800-MAN-SLUT, aight? I'll give you a fuckin discount.
Re: a comment on Jose Streets by SupremeDreamer	SupremeDreamer 71.133.225.30	20-Sep-06/8:50 AM
I'll be sure to let you know Ranger, and sorry if my use of "'n" drives you bonkers. :x
Re: Constipation by colbaby	colbaby 220.233.180.7	20-Sep-06/7:46 AM
Ranger, here way down south in the backwashes of civilisation I was brought up on Faulty Towers, The Goon Show, Pot Black and The Carry On Crew. Not to mention Dave Allen. Therein lies my piece, English Humour. Where would I be without it? England is still my mother the-joke's-on-us country. Even though I'm seventh generation antipodean ignoramis, let me entertain you anyway. I'm sure the royal family would be amused. I know I am, along with several million others of my countrymen.
Re: Prayer by amanda_dcosta	colbaby 220.233.180.7	20-Sep-06/7:29 AM
Dear Sweet Edna, "Hilarious. I laughed till I urinated." Does that mean you pissed yourself laughing at the poem or you laughed at the poem till you had to go take a piss? Big difference. Not entirely sure what you mean. Bullshit. I know exactly what you mean. You're being a funny bastard. Aren't you?
Re: Last flight of a goose by Bobjim	colbaby 220.233.180.7	20-Sep-06/5:47 AM
I'm a freak too! Here's cheers!
Re: Its Hard to Say by celticskatermatt1	colbaby 220.233.180.7	20-Sep-06/5:33 AM
It sounds like you have a crush on someone then you say "after this poem, hopefully everything will fall through" which to me means you're not into this burgoning relationship afterall. Is my head destined to be done in daily?
Re: Sublime by nightowl	colbaby 220.233.180.7	20-Sep-06/5:20 AM
All very herbal, I must say. Everything can be charachterised by dichotomy. Though I don't yet understand the last line. I have guides, none of them time. Perhaps concieved by the greatest champion, yet it's left to us mere mortals to merely percieve the conceived. Therein lies our biggest mistake. But isn't this sandpit fantastic?
Re: Head Exploding Mark 2 by pink_escape	colbaby 220.233.180.7	20-Sep-06/5:13 AM
Except for the spliff reference my mum would so identify with this one. But like you I don't like the barley and runny rhyme. And is evented supposed to be invented? Where is the spell checker? Or am I being a... git?
Re: Fare Price (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	colbaby 220.233.180.7	20-Sep-06/5:09 AM
Too true. Our actions speak louder than words, or poems. Of course, we're right and they're wrong. That will be $100 for the consultation, thank you very much. Fare Price (Revised) reminds me of the folly of serving two masters. I like it.
Re: a comment on Fare Price (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	Wakeboarder20 71.227.248.140	19-Sep-06/10:39 PM
Well I guess that depends on how you look at it and whether you're asking if the poem is religious or I'm religious myself. I am religious but I'd say I'm more spiritual then religious. I sort of look at religion as a tool of spirituality. As for the poem, it's probably religious...sort of. Actually, it's more of an anti-commercialization-of-Christianity which just happens to be done by those who are, usually, very religious.
Re: Musical Buttocks - Cha cha cha by Edna Sweetlove	nypoet22 65.10.92.48	19-Sep-06/6:21 PM
first stanza is super. second is pointlessly gratuitous, especially the self-mention.