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Vodka kisses & the final sigh. (Villanelle) by SupremeDreamer Red sky & vodka kisses good-bye;
was nice talkin 'n smokin,
till our last mumbles & the final sigh.
Fatigue our bodies can not deny;
bitter 'n grim, like sin,
& morning vodka kisses good-bye.
Glasses full, yet our lips remain dry
& the sky keeps burnin
till our last mumbles & the final sigh
Time passes, stoagies start to die
& blue smoke turns thin;
our mood vodka kissed good-bye.
Brow drooped, smile quite zany & wry-
slammed the last shot of gin
before our mumbling & the final sigh.
Rubbin my sore & encrusted left eye,
as my belly starts churnin-
from red sky, vodka kisses good-bye
& bloody morning stirring my final sigh.
Up the ladder:
The 80's
Down the ladder:
Battle of the brains
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.8421054
Posted: May 4, 2004 2:03 PM PDT; Last modified: May 4, 2004 2:03 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.7547417 Overall Rank: 456 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list: INTRANSIT, Shuushin, pain killer Comments:
very good, your best vilanelle yet
Thank you, I'm very proud and pleased with this piece myself. I've been trying to hone my skills in crafting vilanelles for some time now.
I've gotten pretty good with form, rhyme-scheme & structure; now I'm working on improving my use of meter, or in reality, my nonexistent use of meter-- I didn't really give much attention to meter in my earlier works, so it's time I integrated that into my style & writing technique.
*Very* nice, really well suited to the form -
Added to my faves.
Thanks for your comment- it's appreciated, & I'm honored that the above villanelle of mine is one of your favs. It's my latest written success; I was coasting slightly below average after posting my ode "I Married an Infectious Woman (My Love, Futility)".
Truly lovely....ten
Not much good.
illiterate horse dung.
Ah, ok Edna, relax now, we all know I'm not illiterate. Just twisted. :) You wanna make some sweet love now? I like it rough, maybe you can do some dominatrix shit, eh? C'mon Edna, lets make sweet love together!! Call me, 1-800-MAN-SLUT, aight? I'll give you a fuckin discount.
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The bloody morning-suggesting a bloody mary, excellent.
Over all 01.