poemranker ::Constipation by colbaby

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Free verse № 146180

Constipation

by colbaby

Member since 2006 · Posted 18 Sep 2006 · 7 comments

Where for art thou mine Stench? Mine deceased rat nestles yet in my receptacle Nought is the push from my package So large I feel I’ve been impaled I’m starting to walk like a duck For I am carrying a load so large And it will not budge Fully laden I resign myself to retire for the evening anyway And dutifully inform my wife of my predicament And suggest to her, her probable misfortune I lay my body down upon my bed and relax Alas, the stubborn snake has vanished Ventured upwards into the magical labyrinth Have fun dear serpent I hope you’re good at reversing Don’t forget there’s only one way out of here Till next we meet, my friend, and may it be soon I could really do with a good purge But until then I shall remain a reservoir of sewerage A fleshy thermos flask for a steaming hot lunch A noxious incubator of a Havana Cigar longing to be puffed I am a pregnant missile ready for attack With such words of encouragement I entice my guest In every way possible to perform its duty And depart the premises via the port hole Leaving me pleasantly refreshed and invigorated And feeling like your regular everyday human being yet again

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mean 6.00 weighted 5.12 rank 5948 views 163 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

7 comments

[9] Ranger 19-Sep-06/8:01 AM Reply
Oh, how I laughed. I thought it was only the British who were allowed this sort of humour.
[n/a] ecargo 19-Sep-06/9:22 AM Reply
Not bad, as shit poems go. ;-) And we are, after all, the Shittiest Poetry Site on the Web (more float per inch!) (TM). Of course, nothing can match the vigor and explosive power of the -=DA-=PI classic, _Child of My Buttocks_: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=20331.

[n/a] colbaby 20-Sep-06/7:46 AM Reply
Ranger, here way down south in the backwashes of civilisation I was brought up on Faulty Towers, The Goon Show, Pot Black and The Carry On Crew. Not to mention Dave Allen. Therein lies my piece, English Humour. Where would I be without it? England is still my mother the-joke's-on-us country. Even though I'm seventh generation antipodean ignoramis, let me entertain you anyway. I'm sure the royal family would be amused. I know I am, along with several million others of my countrymen.
[9] Ranger › colbaby 20-Sep-06/10:15 AM Reply
You see, my good ol' grandaddy emigrated to Oz years ago, so whatever happens I can't mock Australia without mocking my own family. Except, of course, for when we beat you in the Ashes ;-) Which region are you in?
[n/a] colbaby › Ranger 20-Sep-06/4:52 PM Reply
I'm in Sydney and I feel like a pint.
[9] Edna Sweetlove 20-Sep-06/4:59 PM Reply
This is charming indeed. I am tempted to give 10/10 but 9 will have to do, mainly because you omitted any mentioned of the joy of a self-administered soapy enema.
[9] Edna Sweetlove 20-Sep-06/4:59 PM Reply
This is charming indeed. I am tempted to give 10/10 but 9 will have to do, mainly because you omitted any mentioned of the joy of a self-administered soapy enema.