Re: Last flight of a goose by Bobjim	Ranger 86.131.44.143	19-Sep-06/12:49 PM
Agreed with richa, order it 3,4,1,2. This is legendary :-)
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	Ranger 86.131.44.143	19-Sep-06/12:42 PM
You should enter it (assuming the entry fee isn't something like a thousand dollars) - particularly if you can include Selkie in your collection. Nothing ventured, nothing gained indeed - and you might well surprise yourself :-) Do you write fiction other than poetry?
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	Ranger 86.131.44.143	19-Sep-06/12:39 PM
Ah, I thought you were being specific - a secret miscarriage. I was quite concerned by the last line (on this reading) though - I mean, how many dead babies had been buried?! And were they all yours or were there - God forbid - prawnes inamongst the corpses too? Question: was there a prawn unit in the war, or indeed, in any war?
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	Ranger 86.131.44.143	19-Sep-06/12:34 PM
True, but you have to go abroad to get people to notice it...
Re: Jose Streets by SupremeDreamer	Ranger 86.131.44.143	19-Sep-06/12:29 PM
Argh! The curse of the "'n" strikes again! I know, I know, I'm a Queen's English snob, I'll get over it one day... Anyway, I quite liked the story but struggled to get the beat to it. ecargo's better at this than me, but I do think it wants reworking, or maybe just reclassifying. Done as prose it would seem very akin to the monologue introduction to a character story (does need to be spoken though). Decent enough, let me know if you do any edits of this; I'd be interested to read :-)
Re: a comment on Week End Justification by half.italian	half.italian 70.36.242.152	19-Sep-06/9:33 AM
If you see it and it works, Its there. My subconcious tends to do some amazing things when I'm not thinking. :)
Re: Constipation by colbaby	ecargo 167.219.88.140	19-Sep-06/9:22 AM
Not bad, as shit poems go. ;-) And we are, after all, the Shittiest Poetry Site on the Web (more float per inch!) (TM). Of course, nothing can match the vigor and explosive power of the -=DA-=PI classic, _Child of My Buttocks_: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=20331.
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	19-Sep-06/9:12 AM
Ya know, it's not. It's just an incredibly heavy-handed metaphor for carrying a secret, your own or, sometimes worse, someone else's, that weighs in your gut and plagues you. The miscarriage imagery was just a metaphor, but I think I may have overdone it--I knew what the obvious connotation would be. Thanks for the comment, Ranger! re: WWA (sounds like some WWII women's auxilary unit), I might, depending on what I can muster up. ;-) As I said, nothing ventured, nothing gained, and if nothing else, it'll let me do an inventory of my body of work, right? ("Body of work" makes it sound so imposing or impressive or something. It's not. ;-))
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	ecargo 167.219.88.140	19-Sep-06/9:08 AM
Aw, but you get to speak with that cool accent! ;-D
Re: a comment on Jose Streets by SupremeDreamer	SupremeDreamer 71.133.225.30	19-Sep-06/9:01 AM
nypoet, let me clarify something for you: Toons is an actual night club in san jose, california, right on the corner of second and santa clara. I didn't make up the name, they did. Heh. Thanks for the comments & vote.
Re: a comment on Week End Justification by half.italian	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/8:11 AM
Dammit, I must have been slow-thinking recently. More so than usual, anyway. There's most certainly a pun in here - 'weakened justification', relating to the excesses of stanza 2 - and if there isn't, there should be. Upping the score for that, and also because every time I read this the last two lines get more and more fun.
Re: Head Exploding Mark 2 by pink_escape	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/8:06 AM
Genius title.
Re: Fare Price (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/8:05 AM
If I remember rightly, I quite liked the original. Decent enough edit, although I can never quite be sure whether you're religious or not.
Re: Constipation by colbaby	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/8:01 AM
Oh, how I laughed. I thought it was only the British who were allowed this sort of humour.
Re: Pale Blue by MacFrantic	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/7:59 AM
Oh, I must have missed this when it was posted. Nice, stanzas 2 and 3 especially. Could do with working on the stresses a bit.
Re: a comment on Final Goregasm by creepshow	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/7:57 AM
Chips with that, please.
Re: Staring through you by creepshow	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/7:56 AM
Nasty poems work best with a solid structure for guidance. This, although undeniably nasty, could do with being structured. As it is, it reads like a stop-start collection of thoughts - which doesn't flow very well. By the way, do you really do all this?
Re: Sublime by nightowl	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/7:52 AM
Decent enough, could do with having the metre worked on though. I'd make the second line consistent with the internal rhymes of the other three. 'Companion/champion' is nice.
Re: The Secret by ecargo	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/7:50 AM
This is a miscarriage poem, right? You've got an odd timing in here - I can make most of it fit, but the first line throws it somewhat. With a slow reading it fits, but I found it still a little awkward. Are you entering the WWA?
Re: a comment on The Secret by ecargo	Ranger 81.158.153.90	19-Sep-06/7:45 AM
Damn my British citizenship!