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Farewell, Kind Lover (Free verse) by Dovina You depart as thunderstorm
having cracked and boomed
overhead and underground
carried off
by cool breath of God
You awaken seeds
tender, brave sprouts
feeling the sky for
twist of updraft
overshadow of cloud
Up the ladder:
along the alley
Down the ladder:
Urinating in the alley
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.428571
Posted: September 14, 2006 11:31 AM PDT; Last modified: September 14, 2006 11:31 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.6531434 Overall Rank: 2112 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[8]
Ranger @ 86.131.48.32
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14-Sep-06/10:21 PM
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Reply
Nice. I read this yesterday, unfortunately having spent the day shifting vegetables so the mental image of tender, brave sprouts was hilarious. Now I'm a bit more with it, I can appreciate it.
This is much better than your previous post. Anybody I know?
Wow!
read this once yesterday and again today. brave sprouts i love.
I just had to comment on one phrase, "...sprouts feeling the sky for {a} twist of updraft"
Very clean and unique. Sorry for inserting the "a". That's the only change I would have made. Good work.
Can you please fix this a bit for me. Just add some "a"s. I love it.
Sure I can.
You depart asa thunderstorm having acracked and aboomed over a head and under a ground acarried off by cool breath of a God You waken seeds tender, brave sprouts feeling the sky for a twist of a updraft overshadow of acloud happy to ablige 327 view(s)
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