Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Fun At The Gynaecologists (Free verse) by Edna Sweetlove
Let's have some fun! Let's go to the Gynae! If you bleed a lot or have a tickly pussy Or if you have more spots down there Than the walls in your local Indian restaurant Or if you pong like a smoked salmon sandwich It's off to the Gynae! Off to the Gynae! The Gynae will ask a lot of personal questions But he's not a pervert really (usually) He's only doing his job but always bear in mind He chose this specialisation out of many and You have every right to wonder why He would have done such a kinky thing... Strip off your clothes, put on a hospital gown, Be suspicious if it has a "see through" rear Or is of the Lithuanian "open crutch" design; Then relax on an examination table And hum along to Abba on the musak, Then get your feet up on the jolly stirrups. Now open your legs so that the quack Can get a total eyeful of your love-crack; Don't be shy, he's seen hundred like yours And some in worse condition too (I expect!); You may ask to cover your feet with a sheet If you feel they are too smelly for modesty's sake. On with the surgical gloves, out with the speculum And a liberal slathering of K-Y And we're into the good old Gynae action! Now lie back and enjoy two gloved fingers Groping you like Crazy Frog on Viagra! He's hunting for lumps and bumps, yee-ha! Don't feel embarrassed, oh no, oh no, Why not ask your boyfriend or hubby (Or girlfriend if you're a hairy dike) To sit in with you for the occasion? Wow! With a bit of luck, just a little bit, You might end up with a groovy swinging session.

Up the ladder: Weened

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
10  .. 21
.. 10
.. 11
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 30

Arithmetic Mean: 6.111111
Weighted score: 5.5555553
Overall Rank: 2462
Posted: September 20, 2006 4:57 PM PDT; Last modified: September 20, 2006 4:57 PM PDT
View voting details
[9] colbaby @ | 20-Sep-06/6:02 PM | Reply
Women have all the fun. I wish I was one. I'm going to the dentist. 9/10.
[n/a] Edna Sweetlove @ > colbaby | 22-Sep-06/8:31 AM | Reply
Be careful he doesn't put his sharp prick into your mouth.
[n/a] dvincent @ | 23-Sep-06/8:23 PM | Reply
Hello Edna,

I'm going to say this once so I hope you'll pay close attention.

What you attempt to pass off on this site as poetry is actually prose written in columns and stanzas -- and pretty silly, sloppy prose at that.

You have the mistaken idea, like quite a few young, green, imature "poets," that shocking language and "cutesy" ideas are somehow synonomous with poetry.

In your case, however, it's not just bad writing. That I could put up with, given your obviously "new student" level of writing. In your case, it's arrogance as well, and that I have a very hard time overlooking. Not only does it make you look foolish as a person, it makes your work even more silly and unprofessional.

Take my word for it. You don't write good poetry. And the "poets" on this or any other site who seem to think you do, are as green and cluelss as you.

My suggestion? Drop the "Muse Queen" facade and take a good hard look at yourself and what you're doing (or, rather, trying to do). Then, if you're really serious about the craft, take a few lessons in modesty, find a mentor and study hard, write alot, and set about REALLY learning how to create good poetry.

Good luck!
[n/a] Edna Sweetlove @ > dvincent | 24-Sep-06/10:22 AM | Reply
Hello Vince

I congratulate you on your dreadful spelling and lousy typing; people who try to give patronising and pompous advice to their elders and betters should try to get the basics right.

I'd be grateful if you got lost.
[n/a] ecargo @ | 25-Sep-06/9:27 AM | Reply
I see the torch has been passed . . . well, it is in the 'ranker tradition, but you'll have to work at it a bit, sweet Edna, before you'll get the accolades due a Stephen Robins, let alone a -=DA=-P.I. Still, I appreciate the effort!

You left out the part about the speculum (what I like to affectionately call "The Crank") stored in ice water and the lovely queef ( that often occurs at the end of the procedure. I'd have to take off major points for those omissions, if I were to vote, Edna.
[10] Engelbert Humpalot @ | 25-Sep-06/10:08 AM | Reply
I would love to have a front row stall view at the gynaecologists...
[8] Sing4Jesus! @ | 1-Oct-06/6:45 PM | Reply
A very nice poem.
[0] Hostileintent @ | 14-Oct-06/5:00 AM | Reply
once again edna. paint the picture perfectly (probably because you tell it like a short story), but go nowhere with it. i really have to agree with dvincent..its like a story, not a poem. is there a structure to any of your poetry??if their is, please tell me, because i would genuinely like to know.

and if you feel like telling me to get lost fine.. but fuck off from my writing too.
349 view(s)

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2023 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001