Dan garcia-Black
on Solid Understanding by Dovina
6 Aug 2004, 8:10 AM
The inimate moment is lost not only the expression? If that is the meaning then the 2nd verse could use a bit o' rewrite. At this public moment -8-
Imagine how bad it would have been
Without the Vicodin!
Ummm... No... There is a definite rythm to this poem.
(There's a couple of errors ;), but definitely rythm :P)
1) 'simplest'
2) mimic and parrot mean the same thing
3) Not sure the second verse follows on so well from 'non of it true'
4) If someone changes expression it is immediately lost, that is a truism not a fear.
'not wanting to linger/he stuck in his finger' sounds better.
Yes. However this poem did receive a 10 from that frightfully loose legged angel god'swife which I believe is a first for any of my poems.
I hated the ending, it would do better to rhyme.
Get a lawyer, and sue...
barbie and ken parted ways. now Blaine's the man. its terrible.
agreed
reminded me of Loretta Lynn
with one eye?
i like, short, sweet, and accurate -9-
Quite nice, enjoyed reading it. Blessed with eight, go in peace.
If this were a pimple, It would be nine. But its not, so have a six.
I like the "something more" that I see in this poem. The contrast between the death of a bug "as just part of beautiful nature" and the death of our own species which is something much more ugly(to us). We are willing to squash a thousand bugs(or other organisms)for every person we help.
"I don't mind so much
when insects
explode"
And the coldness Mike's Pike didn't like
*6*
A good thought. "a future foretold" tends to spoil the intrigue that's otherwise there.
Sometimes life is simple. Us vs them.
Great first stanza.