poemranker ::Solid Understanding by Dovina

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Free verse № 109995

Solid Understanding

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 5 Aug 2004 · Edited 7 Aug 2004 · 10 comments

My words splatter like grease the simplest puzzle eludes I mimic old sayings none of it true. At such an intimate moment please don’t cast your eyes or change expression I fear if you do it’s immediately lost.

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10 comments

[6] kingfisher 5-Aug-04/4:27 PM Reply
Great first stanza.
[7] Jeremi B. Handrinos 6-Aug-04/12:57 AM Reply
I hated the ending, it would do better to rhyme.
[n/a] Dovina › Jeremi B. Handrinos 6-Aug-04/10:46 AM Reply
I hate the ending when a solid piece of intuition or emotional understanding so sputters my words that he turns away. But I do need to say it more understandably. Thanks.
[n/a] richa 6-Aug-04/6:34 AM Reply
1) 'simplest'
2) mimic and parrot mean the same thing
3) Not sure the second verse follows on so well from 'non of it true'
4) If someone changes expression it is immediately lost, that is a truism not a fear.
[n/a] Dovina › richa 6-Aug-04/10:48 AM Reply
1) “simplest” yes, thanks.
3) Could change to “none of it sounds true,”
4) The fear is mine, not his, and I should make that clear. Thanks.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › richa 6-Aug-04/12:38 PM Reply
might I ask how you became so well versed in, erm, verse?
[n/a] richa › INTRANSIT 12-Aug-04/5:52 AM Reply
I am not particularly well versed in verse. My advice should always be superceded by someone who has studied poetry in some form or another. I get my knowledge from the prefaces of poetry books/ hatrack/ the odd philosophy module at uni/ reading criticism on here and eratosphere etc.
[8] Dan garcia-Black 6-Aug-04/8:10 AM Reply
The inimate moment is lost not only the expression? If that is the meaning then the 2nd verse could use a bit o' rewrite. At this public moment -8-
[n/a] Dovina › Dan garcia-Black 6-Aug-04/10:49 AM Reply
The second verse seems to have everyone vexed. Rewrite in progress.
[n/a] INTRANSIT › Dan garcia-Black 6-Aug-04/12:39 PM Reply
inimate? intimate? inmate? uh-oh.