some deleted user
on Secada (Parody of sasha's lying vagina) by Bachus
17 Sep 2004, 6:53 PM
Is this back-wash inside the rancid snatch of a wanna be poet?
Or just shit typed out by an asshole?
Good help for sleeping.
Dull!
Shit - at best.
Y in the hell would u vote on your own poems????
No an (ode)or statement?
Thanks for the vote of confidence, I only have fleeting moments of self hatred. Maybe its hormones maybe to much whisky sometimes. I find that writing about it helps to relieve the stress and I usualy feel much better. Kinda like lancing the wound to let the poison spill out so that it heals faster.
Thoughtless shit laid on a bed of stank ass.
Why in the hell do you hate black people?
Let us rename this little-lame ass site to jeremy spanker.
Or Jeremy sucks dick?
Or Jaromi loves young boys?
0r Horus just ate my sack?
Or Bachus up your dick one more time?
Or PoemCanker?
An absolute turd!
ya its kinda violent but.........i was real pissed off when i wrote it so what can i say?
Lovely. I don't know why the first comment(ator?)(is that the word?) thought it was too sentimental. No no no. It's not syrupy, it's romantic, and there is a different. Of course, one must be careful with teh romantic, because the line between it and sickly sweet is thin. But it does exist.
Fine hidden message. Fine, simple, genuine. I don't love the acrostic format, my acrostic poem 'Late, December', posted earlier today, was a class assignment. But I hadn't been writing in awhile, and it was a good catalyst in its ridgidity. Most poems with clever, hidden messages make me cringe. This one didn't, and that's great.
My only suggestions: you use pale twice in the first stanza. Perhaps there's another synonym that would expel needless repetition. Also, last two lines are great but "since you've come into my world" possibly borders on cliche. It's the only thing. I like the idea, but perhaps you can give it more specific phrasing, like "since you walked through my door" or something. Saying the same, but in more exact imagistic language. In any case, 9/10. Oh, and sorry this is so long.
Well, you don't have to read it Ass, just tryin' to communicate.
This poem is great...I am always "soul searching"...well written I think....
An absolutely wonderful poem! I think the rhymes are great. And the part about Doug....... really cool! But I didn't understand "the pee part." Did that part refer to the fact that one who is not finely attuned to democracy really is pee? And, Horus, do you really have a beard? Tell me the truth, Horus, do you? And just a little reminder here....... Aids is not fun!
Love,
Doug
P.S. Keep up the good work you're doing.......... your fan, Doug