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Corner of 30th and Tibbs (Free verse) by klosterfobik There couldn't be in these streets,
of hoped for death and rain slicked dark,
the possibility of the recent-new of guiltless lovers.
And it seems in these windless alley ways
of again and shadows,
there could never be a child's smile.
Hard to imagine the symmetry of sweet kind eyes
looking into mine (big and brown),
beneath the dim-yellow of street lamp's watch.
Cannot believe the asphalt dusk and dreams,
of these accusing cracked sidewalks,
ever let sympathy pass.
Was there ever unbroken or unfaded
in these still gray streets
of since forgotten?
And will there ever be on these streets
of hoped for death and rain slicked dark,
the chance of a child's smile or the recent - new of guiltless lovers?
Up the ladder:
Nazca Soil
Down the ladder:
My daughter found at the age of 28
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.8
Posted: August 11, 2004 7:45 PM PDT; Last modified: September 11, 2004 2:34 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.8238406 Overall Rank: 10829 Comments:
I like the repition at the end, adds power. A little choppy, but overall a very nice concept. Stanza 4 is a tad confusing if you were looking for a revision place I might go there. Overall, I like it!
Punctuation, 0
regret, 6 continuity, 2 {of again and shadows}? intensity 8. rewrite. total 6
Punctuation is for the artless - regret is for the dieing - continuity is for the longing and intensity is for the soul.
I thank you for your observation and thought,and I will amend this feeling/poem the best I can.
Do you honestly think punctuation is for the artless? Is your brain actually thinking that right now? If so, then congratulations, because it is one of the stupidest thoughts ever. How is it possible to think something so bum-like without suddenly exploding in a giant shower of misplaced apostrophes? Punctuation, as any non-stupendously-idiotic person knows, is for clarifying meaning. The only people who think punctuation is for the artless, or that punctuation somehow imposes restrictions on their creativity, are people who are too thick to know how to use it. Instead of trying to defend your ignorance, you might consider doing something about it. Like, I don't know, learning how to punctuate?
No, I think punctuation is used by talentless grammar snobs to make them seem more literate(at least on this site).Its the technicality of punctuation that makes it artless, not the fact that it clarifies - clarification is the whole point of punctuation you freakin' moron!Instead of trying to defend your lack of thought, you might consider doing something about it.
Like,I don't know, maybe learning how to express yourself.
People who know how to punctuate do seem more literate. Because, you know, that's what 'literate' means. Punctuation isn't for artless people any more than it is for artful people. It's for anyone who needs punctuation to clarify their writing. Of course it's possible to write a good poeme without punctuation, but the vast majority of poemes do contain punctuation, and are all the better for it. Since poetry is all about the skillful use of language, it makes sense to know how to punctuate properly even if you don't always need it. You wouldn't be a painter if you had no control over your brush strokes, would you? I've got nothing against you for being inexperienced. But pretending it's a good thing to be ignorant by insulting nearly everyone who knows how to write correct English is obviously more than a little bit wallyish.
You make a decent point dark one,but literate does not mean those who know how to puncuate,it means - literally one who knows
how to read and write or educated in a particular field or one who is literary or well written.So before you spew your ignorant opinion try to understand that others wright their deep - true emotions first and then think about puncuation.I'll agree I'm very lacking when it comes to grammar and puncuation,but I have studied and love the written word and is that not what matters most?Is poetry not grace,beauty and harmony?Would an unaccomplished Van Gough's brush stroke be less artistic?Would truth be false if it was not puncuated properly?Accidence lives far past our renovation. And as to wallyish - sorry about your luck and life.
You, yes you, are a gargantuan pair of fanny flaps beckoning us from the bottom of a ninety year olds flowery dress trying to grab our attention by highlighting what a gigantic cunt you are. If I were you, which sadly my wealth, intelligence and extreme good looks preclude me from being, I would take myself to the nearest mantelpiece and start headbutting the corner of it until death.
Stephen,go back and read your own poems and comments to other's poems and try to realize you are not as witty as you seem to think.As to your "wealth,intelligence and good looks" or lack there of - it probably excludes you from being me - which is human.
PS I hope your violent fantasies end soon - take your Prozac.
Have you taken note of any of the comments on your own poem?
Furthermore, your retorts are the weakest ever.
I'm sorry that was the best you could do - I forgive you lack of thought.
Consider the following passage, taken from The Lewd Memoirs of Sir Arthur Weatherby-Browne:
"Punctuation," said Lord Bumlington-Smithe, "is the art of precision. Without it, one cannot surmount the dung-soaked drudgery of a peasant-like literacy, to soar majestically through the meandering colons and semi-colons of Gentlemanhood." Bumlington-Smithe leant towards Rutherford, eyes closed, smugness oozing from every orifice. His glass of Brandy teetered at an absurdly jaunty angle as he mulled over the extraordinary profundity of what he had just said. But it was not its profundity that silenced the Ambassador's guests. Nor was it Weatherby-Browne's subsequent, and rather unfortunate, outburst of broken wind. It was its impertinence. It was well known, among Important Gentlemen Of The Towne, that Rutherford had, as an undergraduate, arranged a May Week garden party in the "Trinity College Fellow's Garden." Of course, as every neglected Fellow knew only too well, the apostrophe should have been placed after the "s". As you can imagine, the damage to his reputation as both a Scholar and a Gentleman was irreparable. It was with the memory of this disgrace still ripe in his mind that Rutherford stood up, put down his glass, and strode around the table - thinking - figuring. Then, in an act of baffling cruelty, he seized Sir Fotherington's plate and hurled a two-volley barrage of Beeves Wellington at Bumlington-Smithe. The helpless Lord still had his eyes closed when the airborne Beeves collided with his face. Lady Queensbury fainted. Arthur Weatherby-Browne broke wind. And Bumlington-Smithe sat there aghast, his embrowned face punctuated with a curious mixture of Madeira Sauce, and Shame. "Oh Dear," said Rutherford, "I appear to have mispunctuated a Fellow!!!!!!111111" Exercises: 1. To demonstrate that knowledge of punctuation is not an important part of being literate, rewrite the passage above without using any punctuation. [100 marks] 2. For an extra bonus, get someone who doesn't understand punctuation to read the passage above. How the fuck can they? [1 mark]
Would you say that money is used by business-inept money snobs to make them seem more rich? PS-You are a dork.
PSS-Leave the sand's of Jordan to the one's who deserve it.
i really must commend you for proving the other side's argument for them so completely in your rebuttals
and regardless of your lack of punctuation skills, this is not a prose poem
Well, although I'm kind of stepping in out of nowhere, I don't think punctuation is for the artless, but it shouldn't be a defining trait in a good writer either. If someone has enough passion that he/she starts writing and doesn't put a period or comma where it should be, then oh well. The Literary Hand of God won't squash us just for that. Good poem.
presser
And I have loads more, say when.
Da Lint
Jeremy, Please go fuck yourself.
Go hang yourself(have you thought about it?) - and do poetry(and poemranker) a favor.
No...
A shanked nigger on fire toppling nude from the third pier at Dodger Stadium screaming "Let me axe you sumpin..."
Are you ten years old?
I wish I could go to Whittier and let you lick my sack.
Let us rename this little-lame ass site to jeremy spanker.
Or Jeremy sucks dick? Or Jaromi loves young boys? 0r Horus just ate my sack? Or Bachus up your dick one more time? Or PoemCanker?
Why in the hell do you hate black people?
Jarome - why do you speak of African/American people like their shit?
Were you raped by a black guy????????
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with words or actions - the start of love is always the sweetest
part you remember.A young faultless couple ...an ideal.
And not to try to be overly picky, but I just hate to see that same mistake: contractions are always on the letter that you cut out (i.e. - can't, aren't, don't, etc.)