You know, I've read this quite a few times now, and I like the first two stanza's, but I lost it or you lost it when you started in on the chorus. Could you try to find what you had when you started this and continue it as more of a poem than a song?

Good image though, I guess you aren't as bad a poet as you think.

Yea, the original was better, the repetition just doesn't work here.

Sorry, i'd like to give you something that I think would make this better, but I got nothin'.

You write about each one as if tey were the only one. Kinda makes ya wonder. WHAZZUP?

Yes, but sometimes they go bad much sooner.

My only problem with this is that it sounds like it should be sung by muppets. No offense, I think it just seems too damn uplifting. There is nothing wrong with that, the wording just seems too simple. Like an off-the-cuff speech from Tony Robbins. I think you can do better.

Great flow of words..

thats just gross

can u say barf?

hmmm EGG maybe

very uhhh nice lines dont seem to go together but good I loved ure comment about the medicine cabinet's mirror

You might consider replacing "is coming" with a more active and descriptive verb/phrase. And I'm sure I'm not alone thinking "age long" should be hyphenated, even if it wrecks the effect. And boxes should have a comma, rather than a period, after.

i like this poem very good nice flow u have tons of poems i might read them all just to see how well u write

I liked it better before, even if it wasn't a triolet.

D minor is the saddest chord.

Do you think that tho Pope hired the free masons to build cathedrals because of the designs? The free mason's don't have a lock on good architecture. And yes, the early bird does get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. You know man, you may think you know, because you have all these <books>. But there is nothing about the free masons, the Knights of Templar, Cylomancy, or anything else of that nature written in a place where someone like you will be able to just go have a look see. Good bit of meandering thought tho'.

Looking for the soul? She will never be the same. We can try to live with who she is now. Or...

father's day?

Are you actually serious?What is this delirious drivel supposed to be anyway?Does Elvis live in your trailer park? Did he help you compose this daft hypothesis? Though I rather enjoyed reading it. Thanks