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West Coast Epilogue (Pseudo Triolet)

Member since 2004 · Posted 15 Jun 2004 · Edited 16 Jun 2004 · 15 comments

I guess this means you were right about the sands of California. You dreamed of gulls and bright blue skies and I guess this means you were right. You always said that I wouldn't come and I hope its as beautiful as you hoped. I guess this means you were right about a the sands of California. I guess this means you were right about the sands of California. You always said that I was a fool to stay and I guess this means you were right. The peaceful grace of a west coast promenade must have kept your heart enthralled. I guess this means you were right about the sands of California.

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12 votes so far. Yours would make 13.12 votes so far

15 comments

[6] Doug 15-Jun-04/9:33 PM Reply

Not so bad.

[10] zodiac 16-Jun-04/5:18 PM Reply

I liked it better before, even if it wasn't a triolet.

[n/a] wilco › zodiac 16-Jun-04/6:32 PM Reply

I did too. Actually, I just realized today that I messed it up as a Triolet and changed it. Oh well...maybe I'll change it back and make it Free Verse...

[n/a] sliver 16-Jun-04/9:39 PM Reply

Yea, the original was better, the repetition just doesn't work here.

[n/a] wilco › sliver 16-Jun-04/9:45 PM Reply

Actually this is the original (+ extra stanza). The original actually wasn't a Triolet because it didn't have the rhyming lines. Anyway, maybe it doesn't work..but I like it.

[n/a] wilco 17-Jun-04/2:40 PM Reply

A 10 of shame, Zodiac?

[10] zodiac › wilco 17-Jun-04/2:44 PM Reply

Actually, no.

[7] Bachus 17-Jun-04/5:02 PM Reply

Hippies and cantalope

[7] thepinkbunnyofdoom 17-Jun-04/7:12 PM Reply

Next time you choose an incredible place not to go, try and make it little more map dot as it were. Way more could be said about California. I'll leave it at that.

[n/a] wilco › thepinkbunnyofdoom 17-Jun-04/8:14 PM Reply

I'm sure there is much more to California, but having never been there, it would be difficult for me to include all of that.

[7] thepinkbunnyofdoom › wilco 17-Jun-04/10:17 PM Reply

Ah... Beautiful but this needs more of a longing tone for the dream that is California. I've never been there but my father is a sailor guy, so I've traveled alot, this has potential, but it doesn't really give me that kinda longing.

[n/a] wilco › thepinkbunnyofdoom 18-Jun-04/1:42 PM Reply

It's not about longing for California.

[9] ARTIE 17-Jun-04/10:23 PM Reply

Wuz "you" really right..??..even if you'd never been to Calif?
No sand in your shorts? I was enthralled by the West Coast promenade many years ago, but, I had no right to stay. Good vote to you.

[6] god'swife 22-Jun-04/12:51 PM Reply

Waht means she/he was right, the poem? You don't mention what happened.

[n/a] wilco › god'swife 22-Jun-04/2:46 PM Reply

You're right, but I just didn't feel that it would benefit the poem to write a whole other stanza just to explain that she was always talking about how beautiful it would be in California. I figured the reader would just kind of pick that up (or just put their own meaning into it). I suppose I was wrong, but what the hell.