nentwined
on My Soul is Stopping by somemorepoetry
27 Aug 2004, 3:28 PM
nice. -10-
hilarious. :)
evocative.
wilco
on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer
27 Aug 2004, 8:18 PM
A bit wordy for my taste, but still not too shabby.
twisted.
I like. :)
you can. you can walk forever.
you rendered me speechless...
another one for the love/above list!
I like 'clandestine comet'.
I really like the flow of this. Bits meander too much for me, but I like it.
I like it, though I do not get the _need_, which seems important to the piece as a whole.
I like it except for the one syllable of "Yeah" towards the end. Well, maybe the last three lines are a bit off for me. I think it works better without, though the tie-back to buffalo is nice.
agree. not bad, not good. though perhaps you've spoiled me now on other poems of yours.
As I said: Not your best, but still one of the top 5 I've read today (Excluding the Dylan Thomas).
very evocative, though I find I want to know more how you were lost. Is it just the time?
I like the line "Can you believe the gray wind of used to be and winter?"
"simple perfect" -> "simple perfection"? Or are you making a grammatical pun of some sort that I'm failing to get?
nentwined
on Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
27 Aug 2004, 2:47 PM
very cute. tightly done. silly, but tightly done and in that silliness is a nice contrast.
cute. odd. definitely a difficult subject matter to try to make someone take seriously. Delving into the bowels so explicity does not do it for me, I think. Bits here and there don't cohere for me.
I think the title is too ... blatant ... for the rest of the poem. The poem is very nice. Agree with the semi-awkwardness of "nothing makes the night seem lonely like". Maybe just "nothing makes the night more lonely than"? Thoughts.
Ok, I'm reading his as someone questioning their faith. That may not be what you're trying to convey, but that's how I read it. It is funny how the Christian fith is so gloomy and dark in nature. I don't understand why it has to have all these depressing icons to build up a point about eternal happiness.
Anyway, I think this is a good construcion of te idea: "Searching for the strength to die, without somewhere to go." It's a scary thought that when you die it's all over. That's why religion is important: It gives us a reason to live AND a reason to die.
As usual, good job.