Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day) (Lyric) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
When I rounded the point There was a wind-break The sun had just yoked On the boats & their wake. I had come for fresh air And a view that was ripe To lay my soul bare And get sleep tonight. But the whales were sick too And the sky was dead red There was a storm brewing A tempest in my head. I saw no foot-steps home I felt no peace of mind It was no day to comb For sea-shells in the tide I collapsed upon knees To succumb in my fight Another prince broken In half by twilight.

Up the ladder: What You Give
Down the ladder: Winter

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
10  .. 30
.. 20
.. 20
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20

Arithmetic Mean: 7.1
Weighted score: 6.05
Overall Rank: 1211
Posted: August 24, 2004 11:50 PM PDT; Last modified: August 24, 2004 11:50 PM PDT
View voting details
[9] SupremeDreamer @ | 25-Aug-04/6:46 AM | Reply
Quite right my friend... but you lose a point for "prince", since I can be a asshole like that and feel good doin it.

[10] Enchantres @ | 25-Aug-04/1:39 PM | Reply
I loved the third verse so much, but the whole poem is beautiful.
[8] Christof @ | 26-Aug-04/7:36 AM | Reply
Apart from the last two lines, which I don't like because they seem over-sentimental and Romantic, this is ace. teh first stanza could be a poem by itself.
[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ > Christof | 26-Aug-04/11:50 PM | Reply
I see your point, and it's well taken.
[8] nentwined @ | 27-Aug-04/2:47 PM | Reply
very cute. tightly done. silly, but tightly done and in that silliness is a nice contrast.
[9] wilco @ | 27-Aug-04/8:14 PM | Reply
As usual, good job.
[7] Jill Stockinger @ | 21-Dec-20/6:30 PM | Reply
LOVED the line:
"The sun had just yoked"- original and excellent!

Some seemed a little lackluster: the lines"whales were sick too" and a little trite: "I saw no foot-steps home"--The first two stanzas are fresh and hardhitting. Rest of poem did not match that power.
345 view(s)

Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2023 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001