poemranker ::Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day) by Jeremi B. Handrinos

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Lyric № 110971

Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day)

by Jeremi B. Handrinos

Member since 2003 · Posted 24 Aug 2004 · 7 comments

When I rounded the point There was a wind-break The sun had just yoked On the boats & their wake. I had come for fresh air And a view that was ripe To lay my soul bare And get sleep tonight. But the whales were sick too And the sky was dead red There was a storm brewing A tempest in my head. I saw no foot-steps home I felt no peace of mind It was no day to comb For sea-shells in the tide I collapsed upon knees To succumb in my fight Another prince broken In half by twilight.

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mean 7.10 weighted 6.05 rank 1210 views 345 View voting details →

10 votes so far. Yours would make 11.10 votes so far

7 comments

[9] SupremeDreamer 25-Aug-04/6:46 AM Reply
Quite right my friend... but you lose a point for "prince", since I can be a asshole like that and feel good doin it.

[10] Enchantres 25-Aug-04/1:39 PM Reply
I loved the third verse so much, but the whole poem is beautiful.
[8] Christof 26-Aug-04/7:36 AM Reply
Apart from the last two lines, which I don't like because they seem over-sentimental and Romantic, this is ace. teh first stanza could be a poem by itself.
[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos › Christof 26-Aug-04/11:50 PM Reply
I see your point, and it's well taken.
[8] nentwined 27-Aug-04/2:47 PM Reply
very cute. tightly done. silly, but tightly done and in that silliness is a nice contrast.
[9] wilco 27-Aug-04/8:14 PM Reply
As usual, good job.
[7] Jill Stockinger 21-Dec-20/6:30 PM Reply
LOVED the line:
"The sun had just yoked"- original and excellent!

Some seemed a little lackluster: the lines"whales were sick too" and a little trite: "I saw no foot-steps home"--The first two stanzas are fresh and hardhitting. Rest of poem did not match that power.