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Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day) (Lyric) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
When I rounded the point There was a wind-break The sun had just yoked On the boats & their wake. I had come for fresh air And a view that was ripe To lay my soul bare And get sleep tonight. But the whales were sick too And the sky was dead red There was a storm brewing A tempest in my head. I saw no foot-steps home I felt no peace of mind It was no day to comb For sea-shells in the tide I collapsed upon knees To succumb in my fight Another prince broken In half by twilight.

Down the ladder: Faith

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 7.111111
Weighted score: 6.0555553
Overall Rank: 1185
Posted: August 24, 2004 11:50 PM PDT; Last modified: August 24, 2004 11:50 PM PDT
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Comments:
[9] SupremeDreamer @ 65.45.152.4 | 25-Aug-04/6:46 AM | Reply
Quite right my friend... but you lose a point for "prince", since I can be a asshole like that and feel good doin it.

[10] Enchantres @ 145.53.203.34 | 25-Aug-04/1:39 PM | Reply
I loved the third verse so much, but the whole poem is beautiful.
[8] Christof @ 217.44.71.112 | 26-Aug-04/7:36 AM | Reply
Apart from the last two lines, which I don't like because they seem over-sentimental and Romantic, this is ace. teh first stanza could be a poem by itself.
[n/a] Jeremi B. Handrinos @ 24.130.62.63 > Christof | 26-Aug-04/11:50 PM | Reply
I see your point, and it's well taken.
[8] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 | 27-Aug-04/2:47 PM | Reply
very cute. tightly done. silly, but tightly done and in that silliness is a nice contrast.
[9] wilco @ 4.226.156.215 | 27-Aug-04/8:14 PM | Reply
As usual, good job.
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