patty t
on St. Patrickâs Cathedral by Dovina
27 Aug 2004, 12:03 AM
sad and beautiful
you damn fool. nice poem.
i love the poem ..it touchs inside my soul ..
Nope. Still not there yet.
in my point of view i like this poem ..the theme is considerable ..that's good
NICE POEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I REALLY ENJOY THIS POEM!!
I don't think I really get what this is saying.
Why follow a rhyme scheme, then desert it, then take up another half-arsed one in the last stanza? I can't see that it contributes anything to this poem; there seems to be no formal point to doing it. It jars.
the flow is very solid; the content blase.
"I did it offensively, so that I would not have to do it defensively." "I was a fool." Are you taking lessons from Bush in Iraq?
breath -> breathe; it's -> its
the rule to put a comma wherever you want a breath is simply wrong.
nentwined
on Internal Dialogue (Mental Cock-Slapping & Anal Discipline) by DreamerSupreme
27 Aug 2004, 11:03 AM
boring and repetitive.
this is pretty cool. I was a bit worried by the gimmick early on, but... it flows nicely; definitely captures something and shares it. :)
A pleasing flow of jumble. Maybe not a "saleable output" but "one nugget of clarity": "irony being the description of that which is iron."
nentwined
on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer
26 Aug 2004, 1:16 PM
too much cliche, even if it does contain some of my favorite words.
I carry my possession that you possess to church every day? I think this is supposed to be a semi-riddle on knowledge, but I do not see how to put all the pieces together.
I'm staring at stars and stairing up to pluck them, a pretty sight in my blindness. But my heart is healed by a hill on the land, so all is cool. ????
the flow/rhythm of this is lacking. the idea--I think I get what you're saying, but it takes inspection. The telling and showing seem to be confused--the telling superfluous, except tha the showing is hard to understand--but even then the telling doesn't help as much as it could. I'd say work more on visualizing what's going on--try to think a little less.
Poems about suicide either relieve the tendency or increase it. Some of them make suicide look ordinary and alright, an individual choice, and not unkind. Some folks may vote you down because you have said nothing about a rather permanent decision and all that it ignores. I am one of them.