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We are what we hold (Free verse) by somemorepoetry
My sorrowful soldier Hold that dirt Let it grow into your hand Throw that dust to the sky Wait for the wind to blow Then let out your breath Scatter that soil With thick strokes Until it fades Like dirt always fades In the face of such a strong gust Smile as you feel Those roots Crawling across your skin Wait for another winter When the earth has frozen And dig Until you see that neverending blue Above your head And that soil Falling from your hands Back beneath your feet Where it belongs


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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.2222223
Weighted score: 5.611111
Overall Rank: 2272
Posted: January 30, 2004 8:23 PM PST; Last modified: January 30, 2004 8:23 PM PST
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Comments:
[6] NanceXToo @ 24.229.216.168 | 31-Jan-04/11:35 AM | Reply
Not bad, either. It's pretty well written. For some reason, it's just not inspiring the emotion I think it's supposed to though. I'm kinda neutral on this one.
[6] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 | 27-Aug-04/3:36 PM | Reply
agree. not bad, not good. though perhaps you've spoiled me now on other poems of yours.
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