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Piccadilly to Baker Street (Free verse) by Caducus
Rushing through a pale pulp of expressions I hear the droning of Piccadilly shadows Followed by a twisting light and tepid gust Diesel dusted rats squander beneath aluminium sleepers As I am lifted by thin lipped deadline obsessive’s And a nervous American sweating in a Union Jack Who rounds and ripples the rectangular flag. From pages Larkin I pondered On the bleakness of summer and people Who spend there morns and eves here Gripping a yard of pole in there hundreds To never exchange an amiable glance And to apologize profusely if so. I spot a ‘Times’ reader Trying to ogle page three of a tabloid A proper English gentlemen On the outside immaculate Yet inside destroyed, I ponder pages Larkin As I arrive at Baker street Where cockneys become caricatures And tourists become flashlights Thinking to myself Those clever black rats.

Up the ladder: Curtained Beef
Down the ladder: why?

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.2222223
Weighted score: 5.611111
Overall Rank: 2272
Posted: June 1, 2004 11:11 PM PDT; Last modified: June 1, 2004 11:11 PM PDT
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Comments:
[8] zodiac @ 65.161.41.48 | 2-Jun-04/4:33 AM | Reply
This poem is practically unfinishable. Sure, you have about triple the average poemranker use-vocabulary, but this is all compound main and subordinate clauses jammed together higgledy-piggledy. It needs about ten more periods, and it needs to lose that awful "Present participling through something, I present indicative myself" sentence construction - and any clauses that begin with "As" as well. I'm wondering, have you tried to read this out loud? And I don't think "From pages of Larkin I pondered On the bleakness" is a valid way of saying that.
[1] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 | 2-Jun-04/5:45 AM | Reply
What are you trying to state about London? - that it is a shithole full of depressed workers, perverted English Gents and corpulent Americans?

What about the scrofulous mess who is making all these fairly obvious characterisations?, the fucking mess who has never been to Dunhill on St James's and smoked their splendid pipe tobacco. And, for that matter, never enjoyed the splendid stewed cheese of Simpsons in the City?

I daresay he is guiding a black man up his arse as I write these words.
[n/a] Caducus @ 195.92.168.165 > Stephen Robins | 2-Jun-04/11:30 AM | Reply
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
[1] Stephen Robins @ 213.146.148.199 > Caducus | 4-Jun-04/5:50 AM | Reply
That is the knock out come back I have been waiting for someone on www.poemranker.com to deliver for 15 months. It shall become my shibboleth, I only hope I can carry it off with the delicate aplomb which is natuarally ascribed to such a deft handling of the sacred art of insult.
[n/a] Caducus @ 195.92.168.165 | 2-Jun-04/11:31 AM | Reply
Parts of London are almost as filthy as Larkin
[3] god'swife @ 209.178.142.212 | 2-Jun-04/1:12 PM | Reply
ugh.
[n/a] Caducus @ 195.92.168.178 > god'swife | 2-Jun-04/3:07 PM | Reply
Why ugh ?
[8] edpeterson @ 68.20.9.182 | 2-Jun-04/7:46 PM | Reply
i wont say ugh, but i will say a bit verbose, and the fact that it was intentional doesnt make it any more the readable, sire. courtesy 8
[8] edpeterson @ 68.20.9.182 | 2-Jun-04/7:47 PM | Reply
and because no way does it deserve the one and the three...need a balance.
[7] Sunny @ 66.69.36.222 | 1-Apr-06/2:28 PM | Reply
I liked this one a lot. Intellectual wording with vivid description of assorted personalities and a clever ending. I felt a couple of lines in S1 were a bit forced...just too much if you know what I mean. I liked this read overall though.

~Sunny
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