Re: Christ At The Oscars by Caducus	Sunny 65.118.48.13	27-Mar-06/11:48 AM
Great poem!! Powerful theme that will smack any unassuming reader across the face. Tactful wording. Well thought-out. On a personal note: I am a guiltly audience member, glorifying the mere middle-man & not the prince. How ignorant mankind can be. Thank you personally for the slap.
Re: Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha	ecargo 167.219.88.140	27-Mar-06/12:19 PM
Not bad, but some lines are a little awkard and you stagger back and forth with the rhythm, e.g.: "The girls waiting to have their legs spread/I like to walk . . ." "who have their tears shed"; etc. Most are easy enough to fix, really, by paying attention to the rhythm and watching for artificial-sounding inversions (e.g., instead of "who have their tears shed," could be something like "I pity the romancers who have shed/their tears when all they need is a good lay." That way, too, you retain the iambic pentameter w/out contorting the line. Clever, mostly, and fun.
Re: Blue Gravity by Sunny	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/12:55 PM
I'm not into this as much as your others. The first line with "dead headstone" is off-putting. All headstones are dead, aren't they? I like the feathers rocking on the bay. The woman in a Bohemian skirt is confusing - could be you or someone else. Then in verse 2, the narrator could be the body under the headstone. Then the three "she" lines turn it back into a love poem.
Re: A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina	zodiac 209.193.18.242	27-Mar-06/3:25 PM
A fish is an animal that lives in a brook. He can't write his name or read a book. To fool the humans is his only thought, And even though he's slippery, he still gets caught. So you better watch out for what you wish: You could grow up to be a fish.
Re: Mirror by Sunny	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/6:34 PM
The first line bewilders me. Mercury, lying on a plate, spreads out in what could be an oval, and reflects like a mirror. The poem makes sense after I pass that obstacle, and until mercury appears at the end. But there, it must be some metaphor. Okay, I must have it all wrong.
Re: Ghosts of years (rhymey edit) by ecargo	Dovina 70.38.78.229	27-Mar-06/6:46 PM
It's hard to follow at the beginning, but the last 3 verses bring it together. Then on going back, it works well from Verse 2 on. Verse 1 seems disconnected.
Re: Swan Lake by Caducus	bwaha 64.12.116.14	27-Mar-06/7:40 PM
I kind of liked this, but it kept losing me. There wasn't really much of a central theme or focus that I could find for a reader to grasp onto.
Re: Emily Mae by horus8	bwaha 64.12.116.14	27-Mar-06/7:49 PM
for some reason, (which I cannot identify) the fact that the name you used was "emily mae" really made this poem 10x more enjoyable (though I would have liked it anyway.)
regarding some deleted poem...	Sunny 66.69.36.222	27-Mar-06/10:10 PM
This made me laugh; it was funny, I'll give you that. I don't think this should be a rhyming sort of poem though, free verse would be more fitting for it's genre in my opinion. I read this merely as a comical scene with the only real poetical sense that you made it obvious by description how crude this "guest" was being. A light-hearted poem, which I am sure was your intention.
Re: Darker Days by oneglove	Sunny 66.69.36.222	27-Mar-06/10:43 PM
Once I read this poem a couple of times & also read the other comments on it, I see, I see. Very metaphorical, very well thought-out...like a heist or "murder scene" even. A great read none-the-less with deep metaphor, dramatic theme, words that grab, short but punctual. Emily Dickinson style. Great read!
Re: My Prayer by amanda_dcosta	drnick 24.176.22.254	28-Mar-06/12:53 AM
You should try writing about something other than this "God" fellow.
Re: My First Hangover by mindsigns	Bobjim 143.167.79.60	28-Mar-06/5:51 AM
Pretty good. Though I never get hangovers.
Re: My First Hangover by mindsigns	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Mar-06/6:26 AM
Heh--cute. There's nothing--NOTHING--worse than a gin-induced hangover. Ugh.
Re: Cohoma Scott King by rahson_s	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Mar-06/7:01 AM
Not bad, very descriptive.
Re: Mirror by Sunny	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Mar-06/7:14 AM
Some good lines and details in this. I like your showing what the mirror shoes, in people and in rooms--like "tousled sheets, clamped bodies." "Tango of the soul" strikes me as a little hackneyed. Really good overall.
regarding some deleted poem...	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Mar-06/7:21 AM
Mollusced fangs? I get the gleaming white bit, but molluscs are a bit rubbery to be fangs. Death's (need the apos). Is "salten" a word (other than a place in Norway)? S/b "scythe." I dunno. Very Caducus somehow (not particularly a judgment, just a statement).
Re: Old Friend by drnick	ecargo 167.219.88.140	28-Mar-06/7:24 AM
Reads like lyrics sans chorus. Not bad. Last verse doesn't scan right.
Re: Rose by firestar_2580	Garrett S Sexton 86.130.240.60	28-Mar-06/9:58 AM
LOVED IT!
Re: Time Will Change by x0lovelylarnx0	amanda_dcosta 203.145.159.44	28-Mar-06/10:55 AM
This is good. But I would rather you modify the last line a bit. Some thing like, 'if only you will let him in.' As for comments, ignore what might bother you. Let each one have their say, as long as you stand your ground.
Re: My Prayer by amanda_dcosta	ALChemy 24.74.100.11	28-Mar-06/10:59 AM
Here's my challenge to you: Write a poem about God that never overtly mentions him or anything else that would be directly linked to the bible. Use metaphor or whatever you can think of to make it work. Here's an example: http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=141306 I promise it will make your book that much better.