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Blue Gravity (Free verse) by Sunny I sit on a dead headstone
and watch feathers lay their bellies
onto the bayâs surface and rock
to the white crestâs rhythm.
No one is with me except the echo
of shoreline plea-
a yearning for this Bohemian skirt to dive
into every waveâs churn.
I push the blue gravity
not down through my feet, but forced upon these bones
that could crumble me apart with a hard and gentle handâ¦
but not when the water spikes white,
Uâs and reflects this surreal face that is my own.
She loves me like passion.
She drinks me through her pupils.
She drowns my little existence until night
crashes and paints ebony on backs.
Up the ladder:
across the lake
Down the ladder:
All are welcomed.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Posted: March 27, 2006 12:16 PM PST; Last modified: March 27, 2006 12:16 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.9602656 Overall Rank: 8642 Comments:
[7]
Dovina @ 70.38.78.229
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27-Mar-06/12:55 PM
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Reply
I'm not into this as much as your others. The first line with "dead headstone" is off-putting. All headstones are dead, aren't they? I like the feathers rocking on the bay. The woman in a Bohemian skirt is confusing - could be you or someone else. Then in verse 2, the narrator could be the body under the headstone. Then the three "she" lines turn it back into a love poem.
[n/a]
Sunny @ 65.118.48.13
> Dovina
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27-Mar-06/1:22 PM
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Reply
Thank you Dovina for not only reading my work, but giving me your honest critique as well. A little confusion though to clear up for possible upcoming readers & yourself in clarity in beginning of S2: "I push the blue gravity/ not down through my feet, but forced upon these bones/ that could crumble me apart with a hard and gentle handâ¦"> Meaning: Picture gravity pulling people down to earth through (or pulling the feet) as a "natural gravitational pull." I disembody this natural foot-to-earth pull not through my feet, but surrounding/ covering all the bones that substain me, which could be so much force as to, "...crumble me apart...". I do not mean for reader to interpret anything or anyone, other than gravity's pull, to be "underneath me". I'm trying to personify gravity with hands that for once, don't pull me down through my feet but to use it's untouchable, inevitable force to surround my skeleton & suppress in inwards. Strange imagery I failed at portraying; thank you-I will make revisions to clarify this unseen imagery...or try at least :)
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