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Nonchalantly (Free verse) by Plaidypus Nonchalantly, she said,
âIâve always had a thinner waist
you and your sister do not
youâre like your dad
but Iâve always had quite a thin waist.â
It was true:
even at my thinnest point,
I could barely fit into her old wedding dress
which sat, wrinkled, in a box in the attic.
One day, she told me I could have it
which made no sense,
because I was too thick
Thatâs when eating
began to make me sick.
Up the ladder:
You're passionate
Down the ladder:
Captured Moment
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Posted: March 9, 2005 8:00 PM PST; Last modified: March 9, 2005 8:00 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.9602656 Overall Rank: 8583 Comments:
[7]
richa @ 81.178.193.41
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10-Mar-05/2:40 PM
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Reply
Shock endings involving tragic illness, death, are not my bag, they lack subtlety. I would also suggest that the quoted bit is made less clunky to sound more like natural speech.
I liked the way you went "nonchalantly" around your conclusion of becoming anorexic. You told the story, in a way, of the origin of this crippling disease, which I also find quite interesting. Good, clean line breaks. I liked the overall feel of it. You got your point across very clearly & had no problems whatsoever with you clarity. Your poem survived by the way you went around explaining so "nonchalantly" something that has the potential to be deadly, ironically enough. Thanks,
Sunny 182 view(s)
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