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Emily Mae (Villanelle) by horus8
What else can a young mother say? I wake up at night hearing you... And I love and miss you Emily Mae. "Minutes turn hours & the hours to days" As no one, but you, can take my hand What else can a young mother say? When we put you to ground, the display alone sent me into this no man's land I love and miss you dear Emily Mae. "I buried my heart with, to keep you at play" in that field where the grey stones stand, What else can a young mother say. To those that we had, but went away? I want you to know, "I'm glad you weren't planned." And I love and I miss you Emily Mae. One day soon, with you too, I will stay by your grave as a mother, and friend. What else can a young mother say... But I love and miss you my Emily Mae.

Down the ladder: Orchidess

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.3333335
Weighted score: 6.7058034
Overall Rank: 510
Posted: February 4, 2004 12:10 AM PST; Last modified: February 4, 2004 12:10 AM PST
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Comments:
[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w @ 195.157.153.253 | 4-Feb-04/6:28 AM | Reply
You always remind me of William Burroughs when you produce these repetitive dribbles of addled sputum. Well done! -10-
In particular, the part of "The Place of Dead Roads" which interweaves the "famous last words" of various people.
[3] Lenore @ 64.252.108.73 | 4-Feb-04/9:04 AM | Reply
I find it hard to believe that you wrote this poem. Next you'll be writing epic poems about how only the Lighthouse Keeper is lonelier than you are. One can hardly swing a dead animal in here without hitting poems of varying quality extolling the deep sadness of lost love. People, for Christ's sake slap a tourniquet on your bleeding hearts and write something interesting!
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/10:06 AM | Reply
My friend lost her baby, and I wrote this for her. You fucking idiot.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.87 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/10:09 AM | Reply
bow'ls
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/10:19 AM | Reply
What now cunt?
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/10:20 AM | Reply
Come on, impress us all with your dry twat yodel now you fucking gash.
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/10:22 AM | Reply
I find it hard to believe that you write, period. You're a horribly mediocre poet with the range of a fart in the desert sun.
[3] Lenore @ 64.252.108.73 > horus8 | 4-Feb-04/1:45 PM | Reply
I’m no idiot (not a professional, at least), so I understand that there is no bond stronger than between mother and child. While I'm sure your sentiment was well received by your friend and judged on that merit alone, your posting it here entitles myself or (anyone for that matter) to rank it how we see fit. With that said, your harsh name calling was unwarranted and far more insulting than my comment.
Suddenly, I need a good cry.
[8] zodiac @ 152.30.60.178 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/1:54 PM | Reply
Lenore: Are you annabellee?
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > zodiac | 4-Feb-04/3:15 PM | Reply
Yeah, aren't they all.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.87 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/1:54 PM | Reply
bow'ls
[7] Goad @ 217.226.26.209 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/2:03 PM | Reply
you're upset because horus8 insulted you? lol.
[3] Lenore @ 64.252.108.73 > Goad | 4-Feb-04/7:59 PM | Reply
I was being sarcastic.
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.116.54 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/8:50 PM | Reply
Yeah, we could tell sweet heart. As sacastic as a chicken trying to hatch a turn up. You must think that in the real world, on planet earth, you are special, loved, ready swing your rainbow wand and air dagger into the magical state of moon time fluff? Do you honestly take yourself so fucking seriously? Absolutely, and that's why your sex life is bloated cow plummeting off of the fall in Zanzisbaumbar, with a one eyed vulture and a blind tarapin in audience, congratulations. Well, judging from the way you read into poetry, it's wonder you don't pee out of your ass.
[3] Lenore @ 64.252.108.73 > Bachus | 4-Feb-04/9:19 PM | Reply
How you managed to conclude that I’m Wiccan is beyond me. Not only did someone on here ask me out rightly in the past, but also one of my poems clearly mocks it. Additionally, you are stupid and should either shut up or die, maybe both, but not necessarily in that order.
[10] SupremeDreamer @ 69.19.176.24 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/10:31 PM | Reply
You fail to realize that he mentioned things like "rainbow wand" and "air dagger" to insert odd sarcastic humor. It is in no way intended to say that you are Wiccan.

As for being stupid: You are the one who lacks the mental-power needed to keep up with the rest of RankerVille. Remember, its a good idea to make use of your thinking asscap before yapping.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.87 > SupremeDreamer | 5-Feb-04/11:42 AM | Reply
bow'ls
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/2:32 PM | Reply
There is nothing wrong with this vilanelle, grammar, or spelling, it's a taste full poem, and I disagree, your not a poet with enough credibility to even begin to rate my work let alone a vilanelle, and my harsh name calling was meant to be, you fucking hack kneed dwarf fucker, you'll be lucky if I don't parody your entire body of work using nothing but spoons and douche metaphors for your wiccan vaginal spooge and mindless 'moon mama' poetic homeruns of shit. The scented candle and rubbing oils are that way, love, now move your ass before I take your body of work and turn them all into horus8 torture sessions of ugly older housewives and the men that love to abuse them. Do I make myself clear, I admit, have the shit I write is propaganda and neither here nor there, but to come along and claim this poem is in poor taste is unexcusable, and just a lie, this is a well written poem, you are either jealous, or stupid, or confused, I don't know if you write many vilanelles, but this poem is indeed a wonderful vilanelle, and to say you think it's trite or full of this or that is wrong, it's reserved, poignant, and true, it conveys, to me, what this twenty year old girl that was raped and kept the baby anyway only too lose her daughter later at a year old to a brain tumor? What? And I'm not even pissed because of your blatant disregard to All that's 'feminine' and 'Wiccan' or 'EArthly'.
I'm pissed because it's lazy self centered mother fuckers like you that keep this world from waking up, while you point the finger at me and call me the devil, or the bad tasteless poet, in all reality, it's you and your peers that are heartless, selfish, dry cunts hopped up personal enlightenment and enless series of hopeless CONTRADICTIONS IN LIFE STYLE, love, work, you're a joke, a sell out, a blind accusor of what YOu are guilty of daily, not me bitch, I have CONVICTION, I have justice, I know what I stand for, and that's bad news for you and your disorganized body of liberal ferret fuckers, when I have my day? better run, because you're the first on my list of ethnic cleansing.
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/2:48 PM | Reply
So you're saying this poem will be judged 'on content' and not structure or quality? You are by far and away well beyond name calling lady, you are a world class stink cunt, seriously, do you know how fucking stupid you sound saying that? You are talking TO HORUS8 (the prince of flairlessnes and tasteless writing, but I do still write the occasional 'real' poem as do others like dark angel and poets that use writing to stretch in all directions), not some fucking twenty year old lesbian at a wake? You think I care about what you think about my work? I just sold my first book to a major publishing house Lenore, I don't need your or anyone elses approval or praise, got that, My point is your original comment was so far from having anything to do with the poem at all I can't help but think you didn't even read it? For one, I'm not in the poem either is my loneliness? In fact you said nothing about the poenm at all, only some other shit about all of the pimple poems on poemranker, I don't write pimple poems Lenore, I think your barking up the wrong tree, and you should pull your foot out of your mouth and apologize, not to me, but to honest convicted poetry with sound structure and selfless real life events. That's where your apology lies, there and in your own heart, you are a perfect example of a bitter lonely bitch that's read too much Raven Silverwolf or whatever other stupid mediocre new age bullshit you and your book club is buying into out there on Walden's pond
[10] SupremeDreamer @ 69.19.176.24 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/10:15 PM | Reply
Your reply is just collected bullshit combined into a redundant and superfluous reply. Perhaps you left your thinking asscap at school?
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 163.1.146.87 > SupremeDreamer | 5-Feb-04/3:40 AM | Reply
bow'ls
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/2:37 PM | Reply
Also, me? lonely, lighthouse? what the fuck are you talking about? This poem has nothing to do with me? Is my name Emily Mae? Am a fucking Mom? Who taught you how to read poetry Barbara Bush?
[10] SupremeDreamer @ 69.19.176.24 > Lenore | 4-Feb-04/10:04 PM | Reply
Who are you, and from what anal cavity did you crawl out from?

And what would interest you exactly?
[7] Goad @ 217.226.26.209 | 4-Feb-04/3:28 PM | Reply
I didn't make it the whole way through your diatribe, but near the beginning you blurt something about this being a "serious" pome.

Ok let's test that claim, lol...here goes...

you're missing a "to" in s.2 L.1
In S.4 L.1, why "I buried my heart with" and not "I buried my heart with you" -- is this a colloquialism I don't know or was it to save a syllable for the rhythm?
in the next line, "that field" comes off pretty corny, why not just "in a field where grey stones stand"?
S.5 L.1 "...but went away" should be "...who went away" or "...but who went away"

now, after you're done getting all pissy at me like a senile cat that thinks it owns its owners house & everything in it, why don't you go make some constructive comments on one of my pomes? If you can. I personally doubt it. You obviously have some talent for writing, but apparently little ability to read and understand and contribute to others' writing. If I'm wrong, however, I'd be quite interested to hear your feedback. Foaming at the mouth at me, however, will not make me cry. It might make me giggle, and show it to someone for a good laugh.

adding in the "dear" and "my" to the 2nd rhyming line is a sweet touch.

Note to Lenore: I have to say, it's pretty fucking hard to miss that this pome is about a dead daughter, not a lost love.
[7] Goad @ 217.226.26.209 > Goad | 4-Feb-04/3:30 PM | Reply
or "...who've gone away"

[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Goad | 4-Feb-04/4:59 PM | Reply
Your observations were indeed correct though, thank you, well 50% of them were, and the rest are just personal taste issues, but thanks, I'll keep them in mind when I do my second edit. Sorry for being an asshole, but people bother me, especially idiots, wiccans, christians, politicians, lawyers, editors, internet magazine hacks, bad artists, pop stars, basically anyone under the age of 22 and over the age of 35, anyone that takes themselves too seriously, styraight people, puritans, rich people, on and on and on, so far I only get along with the help and extremely ancient homosexuals.
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Goad | 4-Feb-04/4:34 PM | Reply
What was that your impression of a brain that works? Indeed, I'll keep that in mind when I'm shopping for my next editor, or if I want to talk about the stitching work, doctor to doctor, on a hysterectomy gone horribly afoul.
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > Goad | 4-Feb-04/4:48 PM | Reply
I'm really not interested in reading 'other's' work, thanks, but I find it distracting, and because I'm trying to work and support my family on a simple artists wages, it's not what I'd call using my time wisely.
All of your notes are valid, but at that point in writing (the final polish, this was the first write) it becomes 'personal' prefference, style, and touches, and neither here nor there. BuT that'S A GOOD ONE! "me foaming" I mean, because, if you knew me, you'd be able to get close enough to smell the foam is merely twinkie cream, I'm just a dick, I'm not interested in teaching poetry for free, or sharing ideas, or talking shop, or any of that other fucking l2 S7 verse bazooka page one crap, I was doing that 4,000 comments ago, now I've come to the conclusion that it's dull, boring and useless, now if you're an editor, and making a living sure, by all means, but I'm not, I'm a poet, no big deal. I think you are confusing an education and the appropriate language and terminology of writing, the elements of style etc... with having talent? Any fucking moron can learn how to edit, now having the passion and the conviction and the gimmicks it takes to be a poet, two different things. the world of the imaginitive to the world of the "CORRECT" Doesn't interest me, in fact, it makes me '"giggle" like I said any lit major can correct a poem, being a poet, however, is more than that, but that's a great tool to have if you are, not the other way around.
[3] Lenore @ 64.252.108.73 > horus8 | 4-Feb-04/9:10 PM | Reply
I will not see the years and decades that I have spent building myself into a pillar of selfishness and overall bad naturedness wasted simply because you think I should be a nice girl. And who really cares that you wouldn't be willing to cross the street to urinate on my G. Miu stilettos if they were on fire? Not I, but let this be a warning to others; although evil still abounds on this weird and wonderful site, it has strongly manifested in the form of Horus8, The Angry Poet who attempts to destroy Lenore and her way of life through thinly veiled threats and redundant comments of complaint. Terror ensues. Don’t worry about me though. Through rigorous counseling, I will manage to block out the dialogue and I can piss on my own damn shoes. hsssssssss…
[n/a] Bachus @ 24.126.116.54 > Lenore | 5-Feb-04/1:09 AM | Reply
Let me get this straight? You said all of that to pee on your own shoe? How have I attempted to destroy you? By commenting on your comments on my 'poetry'? You don't see me over on your home page do you? Reading your wonderful collection of East Coast drivel about love and leaves and new age sewing techniques. Exactly, do you always think people are that stupid, I mean to believe that I'm REvil and out to get you? It's really rather simple, if you don't like me poetry, you don't have to read it, I have enough housewives finger banging their poodles across America to add to the list. Or do you just keep that special motavational tool for yourself (claiming 'they' are out to get me? You are over here dumbass, not vice versa. That's right, you don't see me commenting on your poetry do you, I think if I wanted to 'destroy your poetry' I'd probably start there and leave comments on them like this sucks, lets burn it, boo, 0 etc.

Now, I can see how you might feel left out, because you're the only one I haven't done that too out of hundreds, but like I said earlier, I'm busy, perhaps you can find someone with more free time on their hands that would be interested in destroying your poetry, or listening do your delightful melodramas about counseling, and designer shoes, and urine, and what have you, I will merely repeat what I said earlier, I responded to a comment that you left on my poem, I really don't see how that has anything to do with your poetry, or you, or your shoes, or your vagina. Nonetheless, if anyone should have pissy shoes, it should be you. Thank you, I'm here all day folks.
[10] Billy Biff-Chin @ 195.157.153.253 | 5-Feb-04/2:28 AM | Reply
So you've got a publishing contract? I pray to Jesu that they give you a good editor to rewrite your ignorantly written tosh. You punctuate about as well as SupremeDreamer and Blindpoetry. Buy a grammar book and read it, you fucktard. I have tried my best to edit your "Emily Mae" mess into some sort of shape, but the work is far from done.



What else can a young mother say?
I wake up at night hearing you. And--
I love and miss you dear Emily Mae.

Minutes turn to hours and hours to days
As no one but you can take my hand.
What else can a young mother say?

When we put you to ground, the display
Alone sent me into this no man's land.
I love and miss you dear Emily Mae.

I buried my heart there to keep you at play,
In the field where the grey stones stand.
What else can a young mother say?

To those who we had who went away?
I want you to know I'm glad you weren't planned.
And I love and I miss you Emily Mae.

One day soon with you too I will stay
By your grave as a mother and friend.
What else can a young mother say?
But I love and miss you my Emily Mae.


That irons out a few wrinkles; it doesn't stop it from being the most sentimental, embarassingly heart-rending, bathetic pile of shit in the world ever. Thanks. -10-
[n/a] <{Baba^Yaga}> @ 24.126.116.54 > Billy Biff-Chin | 5-Feb-04/11:23 AM | Reply
I have Strunk and White, pink dot, and all the time in the world my dear friend. Thank you for the -edit- you're so Ace. "Bathetic" Yes, lol, but I've seen worse shit go down.
[7] andrewjthomas @ 192.150.10.200 | 5-Feb-04/11:41 AM | Reply
what goad said
still, nice job over all
[8] bwaha @ 64.12.116.14 | 27-Mar-06/7:49 PM | Reply
for some reason, (which I cannot identify) the fact that the name you used was "emily mae" really made this poem 10x more enjoyable (though I would have liked it anyway.)
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