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Swan Lake (Free verse) by Caducus
In the mirrored loch Hued by angry dusk I reflect upon myself, At myself Waiting to feel something As I stand numb Drowning on sorrows pebbles, Which I have thrown to the deep At the man staring back at me Who comes back to me in waves, Lapping at the neck of a lead filled Swan Cut by reeds inked by black fly Facing the footprint which killed it Next to a shoal of buoyed eyes The Swan will sink as newts rise. Night whispers to me from Crickets Grass bows to their eve song Quills of the pen write their misery In to the mocking current of life Moons become her eyes Next to broken wings Under broken skies.

Down the ladder: Reflection

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Arithmetic Mean: 8.454545
Weighted score: 6.7272725
Overall Rank: 475
Posted: April 8, 2004 1:11 PM PDT; Last modified: April 8, 2004 1:11 PM PDT
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nentwined

Comments:
[10] Bachus @ 24.130.214.180 | 8-Apr-04/1:15 PM | Reply
Sin.
[10] deleted user @ 68.66.196.168 | 8-Apr-04/2:48 PM | Reply
A great image. Very nice!
sorrows pebbles -> sorrow pebbles?
[n/a] Caducus @ 195.92.168.165 > deleted user | 8-Apr-04/3:11 PM | Reply
Throwing pebbles in to the water whenyour melancholy.
[10] nentwined @ 66.92.28.14 | 8-Apr-04/4:27 PM | Reply
The subject matter is so, so, so done. And yet, I love the twisting of your language, and you do so much with the imagery. I hate you. :)

"sorrows pebbles" versus "sorrow pebbles" or "sorrow's pebbles" did confuse me, though.
[6] bwaha @ 64.12.116.14 | 27-Mar-06/7:40 PM | Reply
I kind of liked this, but it kept losing me. There wasn't really much of a central theme or focus that I could find for a reader to grasp onto.
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