Re: Tomorrow's Dance by RevHydra	3-Jun-04/11:34 PM
reading it several times helps... believe me, i agreed with god'swife at first, but it starts to resemble something
Re: smokestack blues by wilco	31-May-04/7:23 PM
i work in the music industry, and as far as a lyric goes this would be extremely difficult to put to music. as a regular free verse poem i'd give this a 9, but as a lyric i have to drop to an 8. very good imagery, by the way
Re: The Folded Ways Your Eyes Cave by horus8	31-May-04/7:21 PM
villanelles are tough poems to keep fresh from stanza to stanza with all the line repetition... very well done, solid on the form and vivid in content.
Re: Spitballing by INTRANSIT	31-May-04/7:19 PM
"they, in horror, looked on" breaks the flow of a limerick, and i agree that the last line is weak. take out the commas from the horror line and that part is fixed... the rest is up to you
Re: a comment on Vibrissae by ggawrysi	31-May-04/7:12 PM
a cat, vibrissae is the latin word for "whisker." when was the last time you saw a hampster running around the house greeting people at the door? ok, i'll give you scottish midgets... but only in select states
Re: floating by tre	30-May-04/9:22 PM
while the quality of your poems is staying constant, you need to find new material... go back to all of your poems; how many, when summed up, have the same underlying inspiration? if you're still having trouble leaving this topic, try telling it from one or both of the guy's perspective(s), could be interesting
Re: California triolets by zodiac	7-May-04/12:40 AM
I have only one criticism. Could you have used a different phrase for being very tired? Perhaps dead tired instead of dog tired? I'm being picky, but I was continually hung up on the word "dog." Otherwise the poem is extremely well done, I agree with everyone elses comments... wonderful imagery.
Re: love.term by ggawrysi	7-May-04/12:37 AM
I don't think that this is what a programming poem is, but it's my best try at it...
Re: a comment on Call of the Marine by ggawrysi	3-May-04/1:19 AM
Read Citizen Soldier... I'm having a brain lapse on the author. Great book, even if you don't like the war genre. Stephen Ambrose, that's the author.
Re: a comment on Call of the Marine by ggawrysi	3-May-04/1:15 AM
Actually, the rhyme was unintentional; it just kind of happened. I kind of liked it, though I'm not sold... suggestions on a different word for either brain or slain?
Re: a comment on Call of the Marine by ggawrysi	2-May-04/11:11 AM
I guess that I left knot in the singular for the internal rhyme, but it could flow better your way; truth be told I was hung up on that line trying to decide which way to leave it. I also like your idea for the truth- you part. However, there is always victory, always a winner and a loser in every situation. Someone has to come out on top, even if it's only by a fraction of a second, a fraction of a percentage point, or one more kill on the field. Oh yeah, and I definitely should have used desert instead of jungle.
Re: Thoughts Controlled by a Slow Server by <Wankster>	2-May-04/12:47 AM
an interesting use of the programming variety
Re: LOVE-ABOVE LISTE by Everyone	2-May-04/12:46 AM
holy crap, so long and boring i had to fast forward to the comment box... cut out about 2/3 of the poem bits, please
Re: Russian Space Station by wilco	2-May-04/12:35 AM
i feel like i already voted on this... did you modify the poem? maybe it was my imagination.
Re: Cold by horus8	2-May-04/12:34 AM
i'm not sure where "electrolytes" fits in beyond flowing via syllables and assonance... that is, the meaning of the word. beyond my nit-pickyness, well put together.
Re: Simply beautiful by tre	2-May-04/12:28 AM
i agree with hypatia... too much telling, perhaps not enough showing or representing. cutting it down some could greatly improve it, but a solid start ;-)
Re: a comment on Horses by ggawrysi	29-Apr-04/12:57 AM
Sorry; it's more commonly associated with Iran (then Persia), but several historians give the nod to the Moors.
Re: a comment on Horses by ggawrysi	28-Apr-04/10:51 PM
I guess that I did it to show separation of the two line poems for those who do not know what a ghazal is.
Re: a comment on Horses by ggawrysi	28-Apr-04/10:50 PM
Yes it is; a ghazal is a Middle Eastern format for poetry, sometimes associated with the Moors, that exists as a series of two line poems.
Re: Herman by richa	28-Apr-04/12:07 PM
all my critiques were previously stated by others. i will simply state that i enjoyed it.