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The Folded Ways Your Eyes Cave (Villanelle) by horus8 I can show you why, but I cannot save
You from yourself, and
The folded ways your eyes cave.
Dead ending lies, and flies, and skies pave
Me a brickroad over a No Man's land
I can show you why, but I cannot save.
You thought I was going to beg and crave
Well guess again, because I cannot stand
The folded ways your eyes cave.
I watched madness sweep you up in its wave
That was not expected; Not what you planned?
I can show you why, but I cannot save.
You found such pleasure in the pain you gave
Out by the second, wasn't it grand?
The folded ways your eyes cave.
What began as love forced me to slave
Away at the image of what was at hand
I can show you why, but I cannot save
The folded ways your eyes cave.
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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.2727275
Posted: May 26, 2004 9:08 AM PDT; Last modified: May 26, 2004 9:08 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.6363635 Overall Rank: 2170 Comments:
[9]
zodiac @ 66.0.86.62
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26-May-04/9:21 AM
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Reply
The only part of this that isn't ace is "to beg and crave". No, I don't know how to fix it.
Maybe you could do something like,
"If you thought I was going to beg, to crave You, guess again, because I cannot stand..." And I like "way" better than "ways".
I did for a 'while' too, but then I changed my mind, twice now.
Because her eyes fold in so many different ways, I've come to discover, unfortunately.
Isn't the 'folded way' only one of many ways that her eyes cave? How many ways can one's eyes cave that can be described as 'folded'?
the folded way your eyes caved.... nice
villanelles are tough poems to keep fresh from stanza to stanza with all the line repetition... very well done, solid on the form and vivid in content.
oh bollocks...pretentious twattery from a person who has got nothing better to do with their life than spend it all on this site and writing dull pretentious twattery judging bythe anmount of crap he/she has posted up on here. i was hoping you'd surprise me horus. i was wrong. horus8...king/queen of the poemranker postings...you sad fuxwit
the folded way your eyes cave...you really like thaat line don't you..really proud of that one....so good you used it four times
It's a villanelle, you dimwit.
Dude, was that you singing? Or did you just mix it all? (Your music that is) Not because I care really, but I must tell you. I was impressed. Very original, funny, and quite different. We could actually tour together, are you interested?
We just broke up yesterday because I'm moving to the Middle East in a month. When I get back, I'll still be under 30. I'll give you a call.
I sang the Raleigh track and co-mixed.
I'd like to introduce you to my manager. She's hot, smart, and really great to work with.
And she gives one helluva prawnjob.
I used it 4 times because this is a villanelle you idiot, look it up, LMAO! ASL?!!!! You fucking lapsnorkle. ha ha
oh boys boys..what's a villanelle, pray do tell?
i'm only a poor misguided and poorly educated country boy and i don't kow what a villanelle is what a pair of fucking saps do you want me to spread it on your toast as well twotters twotters twotters twotters villanelle
120% fudge; You nigger.
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