| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-May-04/12:44 AM |
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careful... a ghazal is a collection of two line poems that are related, but they don't share lines. i guess there really isn't a rule against that... we'll mark up the grey area to poor descriptions of the poem style. slap on the wrist to kaolin
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| Re: LOVE-ABOVE LISTE by Everyone |
2-May-04/12:46 AM |
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holy crap, so long and boring i had to fast forward to the comment box... cut out about 2/3 of the poem bits, please
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| Re: Thoughts Controlled by a Slow Server by <Wankster> |
2-May-04/12:47 AM |
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an interesting use of the programming variety
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-May-04/11:17 AM |
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a dificult word to use, i like it
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-May-04/11:17 AM |
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may fit better as a pimple, despite its acrosticness (word?)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-May-04/11:19 AM |
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the justin cress theme is a little redundant
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-May-04/9:32 AM |
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| Re: love.term by ggawrysi |
7-May-04/12:37 AM |
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I don't think that this is what a programming poem is, but it's my best try at it...
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| Re: California triolets by zodiac |
7-May-04/12:40 AM |
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I have only one criticism. Could you have used a different phrase for being very tired? Perhaps dead tired instead of dog tired? I'm being picky, but I was continually hung up on the word "dog." Otherwise the poem is extremely well done, I agree with everyone elses comments... wonderful imagery.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-May-04/9:20 PM |
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double entendre with the title? perhaps... as far as the poem itself, it flows well because you obviously vented, allowing stream of consciousness to control the direction. maybe leaving it for a day and coming back to edit would have made an impact on the poem
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| Re: floating by tre |
30-May-04/9:22 PM |
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while the quality of your poems is staying constant, you need to find new material... go back to all of your poems; how many, when summed up, have the same underlying inspiration? if you're still having trouble leaving this topic, try telling it from one or both of the guy's perspective(s), could be interesting
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-May-04/9:27 PM |
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good poem (sorry for the lack of insight), but one question... i haven't been on in awhile; why did a bunch of you change your names, and why is zodiac now posting from an anonymous IPS with his user name deleted?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-May-04/7:17 PM |
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everything i'd say positive or negative has been said, no need to repeat everyone else in different words.
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| Re: Spitballing by INTRANSIT |
31-May-04/7:19 PM |
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"they, in horror, looked on" breaks the flow of a limerick, and i agree that the last line is weak. take out the commas from the horror line and that part is fixed... the rest is up to you
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| Re: The Folded Ways Your Eyes Cave by horus8 |
31-May-04/7:21 PM |
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villanelles are tough poems to keep fresh from stanza to stanza with all the line repetition... very well done, solid on the form and vivid in content.
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| Re: smokestack blues by wilco |
31-May-04/7:23 PM |
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i work in the music industry, and as far as a lyric goes this would be extremely difficult to put to music. as a regular free verse poem i'd give this a 9, but as a lyric i have to drop to an 8. very good imagery, by the way
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-May-04/7:26 PM |
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is this really a prose-poem, or is it more free verse? doesn't matter either way, i enjoyed it... my only criticism is that a couple lines (nowhereman pointed out one of them) try too hard to be poetic and mysterious... explaining something isn't always a no-no in poetry.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-May-04/7:31 PM |
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i enjoyed the sexual undertones, a nice deviation from the standard poems on this subject found throughout this site. i tend to agree that staying on the same topic gets repetitive, but it's often difficult to find inspiration in things that don't excite you, or things you don't usually think about. try changing it up; write this poem from the other person's perspective, see what happens.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Jun-04/9:54 PM |
This poem is not addressed to you.
You may come into it briefly,
But no one will find you here, no one.
You will have changed before the poem will.
Even while you sit there, unmovable,
You have begun to vanish. And it does no matter.
The poem will go on without you.
It has the spurious glamor of certain voids.
It is not sad, really, only empty.
Once perhaps it was sad, no one knows why.
It prefers to remember nothing.
Nostalgias were peeled from it long ago.
Your type of beauty has no place here.
Night is the sky over this poem.
It is too black for stars.
And do not look for any illumination.
You neither can nor should understand what it means.
Listen, it comes with out guitar,
Neither in rags nor any purple fashion.
And there is nothing in it to comfort you.
Close your eyes, yawn. It will be over soon.
You will forge the poem, but not before
It has forgotten you. And it does not matter.
It has been most beautiful in its erasures.
-Justice-
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| Re: Tomorrow's Dance by RevHydra |
3-Jun-04/11:34 PM |
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reading it several times helps... believe me, i agreed with god'swife at first, but it starts to resemble something
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