| Re: innocent voyeur by nentwined |
20-Apr-04/1:59 AM |
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i don't think that "passed" should have its own line... it's not an action word like "interact." otherwise i like it, last line and all
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Apr-04/2:01 AM |
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each time i read it i'm liking it better... the sign of a good poem
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Apr-04/2:03 AM |
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i like how the lines got shorter and shorter, but if you were going to lengthen the end lines it may carry more impact if only the last line is affected. other than that it was enjoyable, though not stellar.
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| Re: questions by ggawrysi |
20-Apr-04/3:14 PM |
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this is one of the more confusing dialogues i've read lately...
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| Re: Cupid promised me, Nadine by Shardik |
20-Apr-04/4:40 PM |
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kind of lame that someone (?) had to go to a bunch of computers at a computer station and "anonymously" vote 10 (check the IP addresses, they're all sharing a port). i feel obligated to give a zero as a balancing force.
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| Re: War Begins on Tuesday by Nicholas Jones |
21-Apr-04/12:42 PM |
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poems are not a good medium for political views... at least in my humble opinion...
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| Re: Crucifixion by Mr Pig |
21-Apr-04/12:45 PM |
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what happened to 5-7-5? 4-7-6 is new to me...
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| Re: something by sk8rs_rule_all |
21-Apr-04/12:46 PM |
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please don't use IM language in poetry... "ur" made me cringe
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| Re: The Conqueror Worm by zodiac |
28-Apr-04/11:47 AM |
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actually, Mezcal has the worm in it, not Tequila. other than that i enjoyed the poem until the last two lines, which came as a sudden shift. i don't mind a quick twist, but i liked where the poem was going rather than where it ended up.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Apr-04/11:52 AM |
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this seems to make a political statement... but what? "free speech isn't free" seems to point towards war, but then it's forgotten. the first five lines all point towards a political idea. perhaps the title could reflect that? or maybe you had no political motive, and i just read into it too much...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
28-Apr-04/11:56 AM |
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I'm agreeing with H; if the whole story comes out, the quality goes way up. I like it, and I see where it's going... I just want to read how it ends.
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| Re: start here by jsd |
28-Apr-04/12:00 PM |
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rather depressing at the end there
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| Re: do androids dream? by nentwined |
28-Apr-04/12:03 PM |
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I'm assuming that you've read "I, Robot." The poem reminded me of it; if you haven't read it, definitely pick it up. Isaac Asimov picks up that question and a whole slew of others. As for the poem itself, I like how in four short lines you address two key issues: AI and slavery. Well done.
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| Re: Herman by richa |
28-Apr-04/12:07 PM |
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all my critiques were previously stated by others. i will simply state that i enjoyed it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-May-04/12:24 AM |
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while brevity is a necessity on a website where we have no patience to read a poem but can spend hours arguing over petty differences of opinion, i think that this could be the start of something much longer. you take in very broad ideas and touch on several issues deserving several stanzas. i think that you should consider expanding this into something more epic.
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| Re: Simply beautiful by tre |
2-May-04/12:28 AM |
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i agree with hypatia... too much telling, perhaps not enough showing or representing. cutting it down some could greatly improve it, but a solid start ;-)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-May-04/12:30 AM |
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i made the mistake of viewing all the comments before voting... my opinion has been marred. after reading it a second (and a third) time, 9
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| Re: Cold by horus8 |
2-May-04/12:34 AM |
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i'm not sure where "electrolytes" fits in beyond flowing via syllables and assonance... that is, the meaning of the word. beyond my nit-pickyness, well put together.
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| Re: Russian Space Station by wilco |
2-May-04/12:35 AM |
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i feel like i already voted on this... did you modify the poem? maybe it was my imagination.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-May-04/12:41 AM |
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a little too repetitive through S4, and yes, i know that was the point. also, i don't think that "pimple" would be correct for this poem. it would have popped the pimple category. <<break for laughter>> i know, i know, i'm so witty...
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