regarding some deleted poem...	12-Apr-04/12:38 PM
a little explanation on "a sense of order urges/a need for recognition" would have been nice. other than that it's a fluid, melodic, and effective poem. it's too bad that we cannot post images next to our poetry; a nice piece of artwork could have made the poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Apr-04/1:10 PM
a little melodramatic, but then it is poetry. interesting personification of the sun and a volcano.
Re: Jesus Rises from the Grove by wilco	12-Apr-04/1:12 PM
i don't have any major criticisms or anything that i loved. it entertained me, which is really all that i ask from a poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Apr-04/1:17 PM
hailing from NY and being a die-hard Yankees fan, i understand exactly what you intended with this. you have to picture the setting; the immediate six blocks surrounding Yankee Stadium. zodiac, you're over analyzing. one criticism: the poem didn't do too much textually... another stanza, even just a four liner to wrap it up, would have been nice.
Re: he's so good looking by GAY AS FU*K	13-Apr-04/10:10 PM
?
Re: Ballad for a bad Irish accent by zodiac	13-Apr-04/10:46 PM
i was amused, and i think that Shuushin was mistaken about S3; you have to read it out loud, it flows better. however, i had a little trouble with S5, lost the rhythm. overall, very well done.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Apr-04/10:50 PM
S1 was cheesy; other than that i enjoyed the poem. the broken structure really added to it.
Re: A bar without alcohol by tre	13-Apr-04/10:54 PM
this poem is different and refreshingly unique. however, i think that you could have spent more time on it; it sounds like you accepted the first rhyme that came to your head instead of looking for a better word that flowed more. for ambitious creativity, you get an 8
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Apr-04/11:04 PM
lead us in a little more. you just right to the point too quickly; make us care about the person who slips away, it'll make the song more meaningful.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Apr-04/7:01 PM
at least you have a comment now...
Re: Ode to the bright one by tre	18-Apr-04/10:28 PM
I think your previous work is better... you're trying too hard to be deep. Loosen up and let things flow; if they're deep they're deep, but don't force it :-)
Re: Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac	18-Apr-04/10:36 PM
Did you know that Foucault's first book was the "History of Sexuality?" Leave it to a French philosopher.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Apr-04/10:41 PM
i may end it with one more line... something like "and back again." you started with a four line stanza and the rest were three liners. ending with a four, sandwiching the middle stanzans, may change the flow a little bit. something to try, can't hurt.
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Apr-04/10:46 PM
if you want a good personal perspective, position the speaker in a place where he sees a photograph of the man just buried. looking at something and recounting a memory from it, as well as the double use for being able to see his smile, can be very powerful with the right imagery. jumping on the bandwagon, 8
regarding some deleted poem...	18-Apr-04/10:49 PM
personalize it. we read this from a third person, omniscient perspective. switch into a character for a stanza and bring the reader in.
Re: Metametahaiku by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	18-Apr-04/10:51 PM
cute in a middle school kind of way
Re: Riding High On My Ignore List by horus8	18-Apr-04/10:54 PM
it's weaker than your past stuff... i just finished reading about a dozen of your past poems. there's no real point, and the fact that it starts with an AIM reference turned me off. if the whole poem had been about a messenging service it would have a lot of potential.
Re: Moving Forward In Reverse (For Ann) by wilco	18-Apr-04/10:56 PM
the problem with writing down lyrics is that, more often than not, it doesn't flow for the reader without a tune behind it. could you write in a tab chart to go along with it? no vote from me; lyrics take on a completely different meaning when put to music.
Re: The Robin- A Parody by ggawrysi	18-Apr-04/11:05 PM
Sorry if anyone read this before I fixed a couple typos. Also apologizing for the format; it looked much better in MSWord :-) Each stanza should have six lines, with a couple of five line stanzas. The last line is meant to sit alone.
Re: From Treehouse To Factory by Shardik	19-Apr-04/3:23 PM
S4 had the most powerful imagery in the poem, I definitely enjoyed it. Very well done; every word adds something to the poem, there's no fluff anywhere.