Re: Rough draft of a poetry manifesto by zodiac	11-Apr-04/10:19 PM
i like how most of your lines ended with a verb. at the same time, it was difficult and choppy to move from one line to the next mid-sentence with such brick like words. if the language was not as gruff and more melodic it would have flowed much better. the structure took me away from the content, causing me to lose your point. after re-reading it, i did enjoy the poem's notion of reform and losing older ways of life.
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Apr-04/10:22 PM
tara my dear- wonderful imagery, lots of emotion, but the structure caused me to lost your intended voice. with a little re-structuring it could improve tenfold.
Re: One voice by tre	11-Apr-04/10:24 PM
i like it as a beginning and middle- one more short verse at the end to conclude the poem would have been perfect. it feels like a distinct point was in the making but was left too subtle.
Re: short clip about dc, #2 by jsd	11-Apr-04/10:40 PM
not often that a very short poem tells a complete story with a distinct point... i don't know, maybe cuz i live in dc it makes it easier to understand it. regardless, well done
regarding some deleted poem...	11-Apr-04/10:42 PM
the last line makes the poem; it rounds everything out with a kind of "oh..." from me, the reader.
Re: This guy by Jai	12-Apr-04/12:01 PM
a rather boring poem with a generic point... not to mention that it's "you're," not "your." there's nothing wrong with a short, cute poem; just give it more distinction and more impact.
regarding some deleted poem...	12-Apr-04/12:06 PM
i just typed out this really long and in depth comment, hit "submit," and the computer lost it. so now you get the abridged version. the first stanza sticks out; it points in a direction that the poem does not take. other than that, i have only pithy criticisms regarding grammar, structure, etc., criticisms that don't really matter towards the meaning of the poem. it has a distinct and personal point, and ZODIAC is incorrect; it is not about lost love and broken hearts but intrinsically connected friends. well done.