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One voice (Free verse) by tre
Tick tock, Tick tock So slow it looks as if it's going backwards I hear her voice, But I don't hear what she's saying. Just one voice. She chuckles, I smile. Like Mrs. Clause, short, stout, sweet. Clothes too tight, so that her pudge hangs over her pants. But I like her. Just can't stay awake. Her voice lulls me to sleep, like a librarian at an elementary school. Eyes heavy I try everything to pass the time. Flip through planner Doodle on paper Faces, initials, designs. I form words from my name. Sixty. Wow. Impressive...or Sad? Across the room, heads nod off finger nail's chewed up and spit out blank looks spacey eyes one guy talks. Always interested in...what's this class? Suddenly, everyone joins in. What's going on? Is that laughing I hear? I continue to write. Oblivious to the chatter around me, which was once only one voice.


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Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Weighted score: 5.4610424
Overall Rank: 2886
Posted: April 10, 2004 11:31 PM PDT; Last modified: April 10, 2004 11:31 PM PDT
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Comments:
[10] Tara57 @ 147.9.40.112 | 10-Apr-04/11:55 PM | Reply
Even though this poem is light and doesn't pull at ones emotions like your previous posts...I think stylisticly you nailed it...it flows really well and comes together perfectly well done tre!!!
[9] ggawrysi @ 147.9.151.22 > Tara57 | 11-Apr-04/10:24 PM | Reply
one's*
[8] Shuushin @ 64.223.182.197 | 11-Apr-04/7:54 AM | Reply
no apostrophe on "nails"

Did a pretty good job of putting me in the moment -
[9] ggawrysi @ 147.9.151.22 | 11-Apr-04/10:24 PM | Reply
i like it as a beginning and middle- one more short verse at the end to conclude the poem would have been perfect. it feels like a distinct point was in the making but was left too subtle.
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