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Sandpaper reminds me of your ashes (Villanelle) by SupremeDreamer
__________________________________ For my father, 1943-2002. I couldn't say goodbye then but today I breathe the final sigh. ----------------------------------- Breathe the final sigh eat that sweet peach- let your lips utter bye. Try not to wonder why my soft voices won't reach- breathe the final sigh. Prayers you will try; this lesson words can't teach- let your lips utter bye. Please my son- do not cry. Sprinkle me on the beach, then breathe the final sigh. Spread your wings and fly, this promise I do beseech- and let your lips utter bye. Your love will not die; my spirit is always in reach. Breathe the final sigh- let your lips utter bye.

Up the ladder: Prayer of Forgiveness
Down the ladder: Reincarnation

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Weighted score: 5.4482355
Overall Rank: 2918
Posted: November 8, 2003 6:45 PM PST; Last modified: November 8, 2003 6:45 PM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.175.27 | 8-Nov-03/6:47 PM | Reply
I just couldnt resist.. plus today I didn't feel like making a sonnet- I've become addicted to the vilanelle.
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 | 8-Nov-03/6:48 PM | Reply
My title suggestion would be "Any title but that one" . Or "Whatever happened to Viking Burials".
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.175.27 > horus8 | 8-Nov-03/6:56 PM | Reply
Well, thats why i asked for help. :/

The other title wont do:

He was a swimmer, and he didn't like boats.
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 | 8-Nov-03/6:51 PM | Reply
how about " five Rhyming reasons why peach pie reminds me of your buried corpse".?
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.175.27 > horus8 | 8-Nov-03/6:59 PM | Reply
well, you gave me an idea:

What do you think about "Sand reminds me of your ashes" ?
[n/a] horus8 @ 24.126.116.54 > SupremeDreamer | 8-Nov-03/7:02 PM | Reply
If you make it sandpaper? You're on!
[n/a] SupremeDreamer @ 204.31.175.27 > horus8 | 8-Nov-03/7:03 PM | Reply
sandpaper.. damn it, you always have a foot ahead of me: sandpaper it is.
[10] sliver @ 63.189.17.119 | 9-Nov-03/9:38 AM | Reply
Somewhere on that beach there are spoilt peaches. Good job, A nice addition to all our lost father poems. I shall return the ten you gave me.
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