poemranker ::Sandpaper reminds me of your ashes by SupremeDreamer

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Villanelle № 74184

Sandpaper reminds me of your ashes

by SupremeDreamer

Member since 2003 · Posted 8 Nov 2003 · 8 comments

__________________________________ For my father, 1943-2002. I couldn't say goodbye then but today I breathe the final sigh. ----------------------------------- Breathe the final sigh eat that sweet peach- let your lips utter bye. Try not to wonder why my soft voices won't reach- breathe the final sigh. Prayers you will try; this lesson words can't teach- let your lips utter bye. Please my son- do not cry. Sprinkle me on the beach, then breathe the final sigh. Spread your wings and fly, this promise I do beseech- and let your lips utter bye. Your love will not die; my spirit is always in reach. Breathe the final sigh- let your lips utter bye.

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mean 6.71 weighted 5.46 rank 2887 views 344 View voting details →

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8 comments

[n/a] SupremeDreamer 8-Nov-03/6:47 PM Reply
I just couldnt resist.. plus today I didn't feel like making a sonnet- I've become addicted to the vilanelle.
[n/a] horus8 8-Nov-03/6:48 PM Reply
My title suggestion would be "Any title but that one" . Or "Whatever happened to Viking Burials".
[n/a] SupremeDreamer › horus8 8-Nov-03/6:56 PM Reply
Well, thats why i asked for help. :/

The other title wont do:

He was a swimmer, and he didn't like boats.
[n/a] horus8 8-Nov-03/6:51 PM Reply
how about " five Rhyming reasons why peach pie reminds me of your buried corpse".?
[n/a] SupremeDreamer › horus8 8-Nov-03/6:59 PM Reply
well, you gave me an idea:

What do you think about "Sand reminds me of your ashes" ?
[n/a] horus8 › SupremeDreamer 8-Nov-03/7:02 PM Reply
If you make it sandpaper? You're on!
[n/a] SupremeDreamer › horus8 8-Nov-03/7:03 PM Reply
sandpaper.. damn it, you always have a foot ahead of me: sandpaper it is.
[10] sliver 9-Nov-03/9:38 AM Reply
Somewhere on that beach there are spoilt peaches. Good job, A nice addition to all our lost father poems. I shall return the ten you gave me.