| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Cupid promised me, Nadine (Sonnet) by Shardik I tried to envision all of the ways
To prove why our love is true
But my brain day dreamed of lilac days
Counting humming birds, in a golden hue
You help me see so many things
I know will surely come to be,
and soon we'll have our platinum rings
Walking the shore of an azure sea.
So this,"I love you" is forever
As the green shoals in your eyes
And I will let no soul sever
'til the light of me flicker-sighs-
back to the place where we came from
With you in my arms, I feel love hum.
Up the ladder:
A parking lot, a smoke, and the pleasure of being alone
Down the ladder:
The Neckbrace of Evil
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0485435
Posted: January 22, 2003 9:56 PM PST; Last modified: February 14, 2003 4:06 PM PSTWeighted score: 7.0485435 Overall Rank: 29 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
As far as I know a sonnet is written in iambic pentametre, which is not what you have here, that does not make it a good or bad poem, just not a sonnet.
Well, it sounds a hell of a lot better than my "runes". I/P is not an easy task. Can you do it?
Nice show Mr. H. And thanks for the xample.
There are some brilliant images in here, not all of them go together, but sod it, who cares? Good stuff. 9
damn, a lurv pome that I like. Time for bed. 8
ooo hmmm yum.
boring much
i would fall asleep writin it let alone read it sowwie u need work
I heard you'll work for food... I have a can of spam I could give you if you'll suck my ten inch black cock. "helpful" on that, cunt .
nicely done... i like it :) -10-
Nadine for Girls Aloud, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, oh shit, need tissues. Good work old boy/girl. 9.
Is 'shoal' a verb? Maybe so... but I am pretty sure that this hackneyed assault on the sonnet is no way worth the score it has. This collection of trite cliches is above Bachus etc? Blimey no. It's not even properly punctuated - extraneous commas in line 4 and line 9. And while the iambic pentameter is not aboslutely necessary to the sonnet, this clunking metre does it no favours.
I believe I was using shoal as a noun, and yes, we all know I'm a direct product of no role models and an even poorer education christ off, but we can't all get the kind of family support and education that you've been afforded now can we mate? Eventually, though, I'll learn, and it will have been a hell of a hike. Where, as for you? Well, you've always just been sitting there haven't you in your magical pipe puffing droning pretentious squat. That's what I love about the english and europeans, all of that fucking ripe or the picking culture, all of that sitting around and chatting over crumpets and old news, mmmm, makes me tired just watching you guys. I honestly couldn't tell you what this poem was doing on the best list? And I honestly really don't give a fuck either, as far as I'm concerned poemranker is old news. And just another page in the evolution of my poetry. I used you 'learned' poets as a means to get an idea of what I wanted to do, and how to approach it, and it worked, and that's what I do. Move and stack and hide and survive. There is no safety net in my world, there is no other direction to go but up. I'll see you on your way down, and perhaps we can share a pipe and story. Until then, thanks for the help and advice mate. It worked.
What are you trying to say? That Christof's comment is somehow ill-conceived because it fails to recognize your unprivileged background?
Yes, I said that and. Also that I think your all fucking idiots. And, I believe, uninventive stiffs, pretty much?So you aren't a complete idiot after all. Do you think some how I'm not aware of what I'm saying. Perhaps I can hire you to follow me around all day and repeat me. How much for that?
And I say this because it's the obvious. Every thing I've ever written is't properly punctuated, and it's all first drafts. he knows that, I obviously know that. WE're all staring at the fucking thing everyday right? So I've know christof for a couple of years, and he's a great poet. he doesn't have to plsy his fucking pretentious little game with me? Where he comes over and says "blah blah blah"? well duh, he's he telling the obvious too? Himself? Certainly not me. the audience. He could of just given the thing a 0 and kept his 12th grade lesson to himself. he knows that this poem as well as all of them weren't put there because they are good? Idiot, they we're put there by rockmage, and it's obvious why? they are all my worst work. So it's no fucking mystery. But see, I think it's stupid to walk up to a zebra and say hey you're striped? Well no shit? Everyone knows I can't spell, I don't edit, my grammar is shit, and I run on nothing but hate and imagination. So yeah to answer your question. that's exactly what I'm saying. Because of my shit education, and life you know? (drugs, fucking my mom, prison, prostitution) That's the only thing him a dark angel ever say. It's old news boring. Get it now? Good, now go fuck your face with a three speed blender, idiot.
Any friend just would have said hey jeremi you know this is only soso here's a 6.? See, how that works, so if he wants to drop my pants and try to punk me out because he's a stiff? Fuck him and fuck you. Two can play at that game.
not a sonnet, sorry
kind of lame that someone (?) had to go to a bunch of computers at a computer station and "anonymously" vote 10 (check the IP addresses, they're all sharing a port). i feel obligated to give a zero as a balancing force.
sorry, forgot to explain something- i do not actually believe that the poem deserves a zero; i would give it a 7 or 8, not really sure which, but you get the idea.
It's "art".
Magnificent....
Seems this site is still hollow rude and talentless!
If you wallow in trivial shit - you'll always put fourth trivial shit. GROW UP!
The first 14 lines sound like my 10 year old,
spewing fourth awkward taunts - the rest is great.
Beautiful poem. I'mma sucker for love myself and this poem is the mirror image of my love for someone else. I truely loved this poem.
You have my heart at "..'til the light of me flicker-sighs-..."
This is ungrammatical and very poorly written. The punctuation is bad as well. If I were rude I would say it stinks. It stinks.
1028 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
this is the weakest line:
Sipping honey tea a golden hue
mebbe
sipping honeyed nectar, golden hued
dreamier.