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Cupid promised me, Nadine (Sonnet) by Shardik
I tried to envision all of the ways To prove why our love is true But my brain day dreamed of lilac days Counting humming birds, in a golden hue You help me see so many things I know will surely come to be, and soon we'll have our platinum rings Walking the shore of an azure sea. So this,"I love you" is forever As the green shoals in your eyes And I will let no soul sever 'til the light of me flicker-sighs- back to the place where we came from With you in my arms, I feel love hum.

Up the ladder: Sympathy

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
10  .. 949
.. 40
.. 40
.. 30
.. 10
.. 41
.. 02
.. 20
.. 23
.. 20
.. 88

Arithmetic Mean: 7.117647
Weighted score: 7.117647
Overall Rank: 75
Posted: January 22, 2003 9:56 PM PST; Last modified: February 14, 2003 4:06 PM PST
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The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:

thepinkbunnyofdoom, PoeticXTC

[n/a] <~> @ | 14-Feb-03/3:49 PM | Reply

this is the weakest line:
Sipping honey tea a golden hue
[0] Bachus @ > <~> | 14-Feb-03/3:57 PM | Reply
lest it's her honey, and he's the humming bird sipper.
[n/a] <~> @ > Bachus | 14-Feb-03/4:00 PM | Reply
it's the 'tea' that ruins it--not intimate enough/too casual...:
sipping honeyed nectar, golden hued
[n/a] Shardik @ > <~> | 14-Feb-03/4:06 PM | Reply
how about now.
[n/a] <~> @ > Shardik | 14-Feb-03/4:19 PM | Reply

[n/a] Blue Magpie @ | 14-Feb-03/10:35 PM | Reply
As far as I know a sonnet is written in iambic pentametre, which is not what you have here, that does not make it a good or bad poem, just not a sonnet.
[10] INTRANSIT @ > Blue Magpie | 15-Feb-03/4:23 AM | Reply
Well, it sounds a hell of a lot better than my "runes". I/P is not an easy task. Can you do it?
[10] INTRANSIT @ | 15-Feb-03/4:24 AM | Reply
Nice show Mr. H. And thanks for the xample.
[9] Ranger @ | 15-Feb-03/5:03 PM | Reply
There are some brilliant images in here, not all of them go together, but sod it, who cares? Good stuff. 9
[n/a] lastobelus @ | 10-Mar-03/5:43 PM | Reply
damn, a lurv pome that I like. Time for bed. 8
[9] BleedingRose @ | 30-May-03/3:19 PM | Reply
ooo hmmm yum.
[0] helpfulpoems @ | 1-Jul-03/8:48 PM | Reply
boring much
i would fall asleep writin it let alone read it
sowwie u need work
[n/a] Shardik @ > helpfulpoems | 15-Jul-03/7:46 PM | Reply
I heard you'll work for food... I have a can of spam I could give you if you'll suck my ten inch black cock. "helpful" on that, cunt .
[10] NewbieMe @ | 23-Jul-03/10:00 PM | Reply
nicely done... i like it :) -10-
[9] cleverdevice @ | 10-Dec-03/6:31 AM | Reply
Nadine for Girls Aloud, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, oh shit, need tissues. Good work old boy/girl. 9.
[2] Christof @ | 29-Dec-03/8:36 AM | Reply
Is 'shoal' a verb? Maybe so... but I am pretty sure that this hackneyed assault on the sonnet is no way worth the score it has. This collection of trite cliches is above Bachus etc? Blimey no. It's not even properly punctuated - extraneous commas in line 4 and line 9. And while the iambic pentameter is not aboslutely necessary to the sonnet, this clunking metre does it no favours.
[0] horus8 @ > Christof | 29-Dec-03/12:51 PM | Reply
I believe I was using shoal as a noun, and yes, we all know I'm a direct product of no role models and an even poorer education christ off, but we can't all get the kind of family support and education that you've been afforded now can we mate? Eventually, though, I'll learn, and it will have been a hell of a hike. Where, as for you? Well, you've always just been sitting there haven't you in your magical pipe puffing droning pretentious squat. That's what I love about the english and europeans, all of that fucking ripe or the picking culture, all of that sitting around and chatting over crumpets and old news, mmmm, makes me tired just watching you guys. I honestly couldn't tell you what this poem was doing on the best list? And I honestly really don't give a fuck either, as far as I'm concerned poemranker is old news. And just another page in the evolution of my poetry. I used you 'learned' poets as a means to get an idea of what I wanted to do, and how to approach it, and it worked, and that's what I do. Move and stack and hide and survive. There is no safety net in my world, there is no other direction to go but up. I'll see you on your way down, and perhaps we can share a pipe and story. Until then, thanks for the help and advice mate. It worked.
[n/a] Everyone @ > horus8 | 29-Dec-03/4:36 PM | Reply
What are you trying to say? That Christof's comment is somehow ill-conceived because it fails to recognize your unprivileged background?
[0] horus8 @ > Everyone | 29-Dec-03/5:54 PM | Reply
Yes, I said that and. Also that I think your all fucking idiots. And, I believe, uninventive stiffs, pretty much?So you aren't a complete idiot after all. Do you think some how I'm not aware of what I'm saying. Perhaps I can hire you to follow me around all day and repeat me. How much for that?
[0] horus8 @ > Everyone | 29-Dec-03/6:05 PM | Reply
And I say this because it's the obvious. Every thing I've ever written is't properly punctuated, and it's all first drafts. he knows that, I obviously know that. WE're all staring at the fucking thing everyday right? So I've know christof for a couple of years, and he's a great poet. he doesn't have to plsy his fucking pretentious little game with me? Where he comes over and says "blah blah blah"? well duh, he's he telling the obvious too? Himself? Certainly not me. the audience. He could of just given the thing a 0 and kept his 12th grade lesson to himself. he knows that this poem as well as all of them weren't put there because they are good? Idiot, they we're put there by rockmage, and it's obvious why? they are all my worst work. So it's no fucking mystery. But see, I think it's stupid to walk up to a zebra and say hey you're striped? Well no shit? Everyone knows I can't spell, I don't edit, my grammar is shit, and I run on nothing but hate and imagination. So yeah to answer your question. that's exactly what I'm saying. Because of my shit education, and life you know? (drugs, fucking my mom, prison, prostitution) That's the only thing him a dark angel ever say. It's old news boring. Get it now? Good, now go fuck your face with a three speed blender, idiot.
[0] horus8 @ > Everyone | 29-Dec-03/6:09 PM | Reply
Any friend just would have said hey jeremi you know this is only soso here's a 6.? See, how that works, so if he wants to drop my pants and try to punk me out because he's a stiff? Fuck him and fuck you. Two can play at that game.
[5] andrewjthomas @ | 10-Jan-04/10:13 PM | Reply
not a sonnet, sorry
[0] ggawrysi @ | 20-Apr-04/4:40 PM | Reply
kind of lame that someone (?) had to go to a bunch of computers at a computer station and "anonymously" vote 10 (check the IP addresses, they're all sharing a port). i feel obligated to give a zero as a balancing force.
[0] ggawrysi @ > ggawrysi | 20-Apr-04/4:44 PM | Reply
sorry, forgot to explain something- i do not actually believe that the poem deserves a zero; i would give it a 7 or 8, not really sure which, but you get the idea.
[7] zodiac @ > ggawrysi | 20-Apr-04/4:47 PM | Reply
It's "art".
[10] Katrina @ | 23-May-04/7:52 PM | Reply
[5] matt door @ | 26-Jun-05/11:34 AM | Reply
Seems this site is still hollow rude and talentless!
If you wallow in trivial shit - you'll always put fourth
trivial shit.

[5] matt door @ | 26-Jun-05/11:46 AM | Reply
The first 14 lines sound like my 10 year old,
spewing fourth awkward taunts -
the rest is great.
[8] PoeticXTC @ | 20-Dec-05/8:52 PM | Reply
Beautiful poem. I'mma sucker for love myself and this poem is the mirror image of my love for someone else. I truely loved this poem.
You have my heart at "..'til the light of me flicker-sighs-..."
[1] Engelbert Humpalot @ | 10-Aug-06/10:11 AM | Reply
This is ungrammatical and very poorly written. The punctuation is bad as well. If I were rude I would say it stinks. It stinks.
[n/a] Lenore @ | 16-Oct-17/2:22 PM | Reply
I give the comments a 7! Bravo!
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