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Cupid promised me, Nadine (Sonnet) by Shardik

I tried to envision all of the ways To prove why our love is true But my brain day dreamed of lilac days Counting humming birds, in a golden hue You help me see so many things I know will surely come to be, and soon we'll have our platinum rings Walking the shore of an azure sea. So this,"I love you" is forever As the green shoals in your eyes And I will let no soul sever 'til the light of me flicker-sighs- back to the place where we came from With you in my arms, I feel love hum.

Christof 29-Dec-03/8:36 AM
Is 'shoal' a verb? Maybe so... but I am pretty sure that this hackneyed assault on the sonnet is no way worth the score it has. This collection of trite cliches is above Bachus etc? Blimey no. It's not even properly punctuated - extraneous commas in line 4 and line 9. And while the iambic pentameter is not aboslutely necessary to the sonnet, this clunking metre does it no favours.




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