on Semite to Semite by PodPoet
25 May 2005, 6:26 PM
The indentations are not needed. Also for someone who wants to kill the cliche, there's a lot of it here...maybe that's the point.
on some deleted poem
5 Jul 2005, 8:05 PM
While ordinarily, I would give this an 8, I feel that I must use your own sytem with you...to be fair and all..so I'll give it a 2.
on Because to Live I Must by TLRufener
5 Jul 2005, 8:06 PM
I think you're giving too much away here. I'd shorten it and make it more abstract.
on The Right Thing To Do by Bethy
30 Aug 2005, 6:23 PM
sexual outer space is horrible.
It brings to mind that Sublime song "Date Rape"...
I think it could be shortened and made a little less detailed to be more effective.
It brings to mind that Sublime song "Date Rape"...
I think it could be shortened and made a little less detailed to be more effective.
on Geraldine Florentine, MD by T. Jonathron Remp
30 Aug 2005, 6:25 PM
Super. reminds me of early Beck
on Present, tense by INTRANSIT
30 Aug 2005, 6:28 PM
Not your best work, but I like it.
Hey, I'm back...isn't everyone glad!
Hey, I'm back...isn't everyone glad!
on some deleted poem
30 Aug 2005, 6:33 PM
the end saved it.
on Faint Heart by TLRufener
30 Aug 2005, 6:36 PM
Is this about having a heart attack? Shorten it to about half the length and you might have something.
on some deleted poem
30 Aug 2005, 6:42 PM
yeah, what the ohers said.
on The Trees in Spring (edit) by Sasha
30 Aug 2005, 6:46 PM
Your original work is usually pretty good, and this is no exception, but your stuff always seems so pretentious. I guess it's just the way you write...carry on.
on matrimonal enemy by hendrimike
30 Aug 2005, 6:55 PM
I agree that the nickel sounds a bit odd. Maybe you could say coin...or put your change in the machine...maybe that would work..otherwise pretty good overall...
There's a couple of places that are a little inconsistent and could be a problem if you put it to music...but maybe not...depending on what kind of a song you want it to be.
There's a couple of places that are a little inconsistent and could be a problem if you put it to music...but maybe not...depending on what kind of a song you want it to be.
on Quevedo: Psalm by Sasha
30 Aug 2005, 6:57 PM
Pretty and a good translation but once again, I just don't think you should get votes for a translation. I stand by it and don't vote.
on fastbreaker by calliope
30 Aug 2005, 7:00 PM
what?
on Katrina by jessicazee
1 Sep 2005, 5:56 PM
I'd lose the fifth stanza. We don't need a Zeppelin reference. Lose the The in the fourth stanza and your pretty good.
on The Right Thing To Do by Bethy
1 Sep 2005, 6:02 PM
okay, but whats the point.
on Is This My Country? by PodPoet
2 Sep 2005, 11:21 AM
Although I find some of the ideas here to be without substance, you expressed your feelings in a way that's at least readable.
Add punctuation throughout...especially in the 5th stanza.
Add punctuation throughout...especially in the 5th stanza.
on First Love by Dovina
2 Sep 2005, 11:29 AM
Short and sweet..one of your better in a while....well, that I've read...I've been gone for a minute....but I'm back now.
on Stranger by MacFrantic
2 Sep 2005, 11:38 AM
Nice...like a demented Dr. Seuss.