| Re: Semite to Semite by PodPoet |
25-May-05/6:26 PM |
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The indentations are not needed. Also for someone who wants to kill the cliche, there's a lot of it here...maybe that's the point.
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| Re: Watcher by windyone |
25-May-05/6:31 PM |
What's the point to all of this? Could've been a lot shorter saying:
Sad Girl
No Love
Pain
She's changed.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Jul-05/8:05 PM |
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While ordinarily, I would give this an 8, I feel that I must use your own sytem with you...to be fair and all..so I'll give it a 2.
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| Re: Because to Live I Must by TLRufener |
5-Jul-05/8:06 PM |
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I think you're giving too much away here. I'd shorten it and make it more abstract.
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| Re: The Right Thing To Do by Bethy |
30-Aug-05/6:23 PM |
sexual outer space is horrible.
It brings to mind that Sublime song "Date Rape"...
I think it could be shortened and made a little less detailed to be more effective.
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| Re: Geraldine Florentine, MD by T. Jonathron Remp |
30-Aug-05/6:25 PM |
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Super. reminds me of early Beck
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| Re: Present, tense by INTRANSIT |
30-Aug-05/6:28 PM |
Not your best work, but I like it.
Hey, I'm back...isn't everyone glad!
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Aug-05/6:33 PM |
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| Re: Faint Heart by TLRufener |
30-Aug-05/6:36 PM |
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Is this about having a heart attack? Shorten it to about half the length and you might have something.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Aug-05/6:42 PM |
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yeah, what the ohers said.
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| Re: The Trees in Spring (edit) by Sasha |
30-Aug-05/6:46 PM |
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Your original work is usually pretty good, and this is no exception, but your stuff always seems so pretentious. I guess it's just the way you write...carry on.
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| Re: matrimonal enemy by hendrimike |
30-Aug-05/6:55 PM |
I agree that the nickel sounds a bit odd. Maybe you could say coin...or put your change in the machine...maybe that would work..otherwise pretty good overall...
There's a couple of places that are a little inconsistent and could be a problem if you put it to music...but maybe not...depending on what kind of a song you want it to be.
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| Re: Quevedo: Psalm by Sasha |
30-Aug-05/6:57 PM |
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Pretty and a good translation but once again, I just don't think you should get votes for a translation. I stand by it and don't vote.
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| Re: fastbreaker by calliope |
30-Aug-05/7:00 PM |
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| Re: Katrina by jessicazee |
1-Sep-05/5:56 PM |
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I'd lose the fifth stanza. We don't need a Zeppelin reference. Lose the The in the fourth stanza and your pretty good.
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| Re: The Right Thing To Do by Bethy |
1-Sep-05/6:02 PM |
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okay, but whats the point.
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| Re: Is This My Country? by PodPoet |
2-Sep-05/11:21 AM |
Although I find some of the ideas here to be without substance, you expressed your feelings in a way that's at least readable.
Add punctuation throughout...especially in the 5th stanza.
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| Re: First Love by Dovina |
2-Sep-05/11:29 AM |
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Short and sweet..one of your better in a while....well, that I've read...I've been gone for a minute....but I'm back now.
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| Re: Prick by Enkidu |
2-Sep-05/11:35 AM |
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Yep, completely fell apart. The first half is not bad and the second half is awful.
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| Re: Stranger by MacFrantic |
2-Sep-05/11:38 AM |
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Nice...like a demented Dr. Seuss.
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