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Watcher (Free verse) by windyone There is an emptiness inside she never felt before.
She can't focus,her mind wanders endlessly,her body racked with pain.
Her lover can't, or won't love her.
What's the difference? It's all the same to her.
Her days seem endless, fruitless, sitting in a chair,
most attempts to do anything bring unrelenting pain.
She cries because she is no longer herself.
Up the ladder:
One-Man Act
Down the ladder:
A FIRST POEM FOR MY GRANDCHILd
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Posted: May 25, 2005 4:20 PM PDT; Last modified: May 25, 2005 4:20 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.7615943 Overall Rank: 11610 Comments:
Agree with Rockmage. But I also object to the treatment of the story. The pain, the pain. Could be the base for a poem that does not need the word 'pain'...
<< her lover can't, or won't love her >> Perhaps she's unbearable ugly? Frigid? He found out she wasn't the rich bitch he thought she was? You don't show anything. She, watching him leave the house with a stiff back, clenched fists, for instance. An empty stare. An upturned dinnerplate on the tabel. There are so many ways to visualize relational pain. The best lines are the last one and 'It's all the same to her', but they become statements that call for an explanation. They are too detached from what it is all about. 160 view(s)
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Sad Girl
No Love
Pain
She's changed.