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Semite to Semite (Other) by PodPoet Bloodshed spells the doom
Of generations gone and to be
Hatred seeths and boils over
Poison ivy kills the olive tree
Hey, don't we look the same
We children of Abraham
Praying to the same God
Slaughtering the same lamb
Deep dark eyes
Under glamorous lashes
Victims alike
Of different fascists
Crucify and curse
And murder ourselves
Even as we drink
From the same wells
Time to embrace
Semite to semite
And stop for good
This endless fight
Deep dark eyes
Under glamorous lashes
Victims alike
Of different fascists
Kill the cliche
Undo the past
Build a peace
Built to last
A dry desert home
Where both tribes agree
To honor and worship
The other's dignity
Deep dark eyes
Under glamorous lashes
Victims alike
Of different fascists
Up the ladder:
Mysteriously seized
Down the ladder:
Coyote Sunsets
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.75
Posted: May 23, 2005 8:35 PM PDT; Last modified: May 24, 2005 6:38 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.089402 Overall Rank: 6315 Comments:
[7]
wilco @ 24.165.207.93
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23-May-05/8:40 PM
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Reply
I don't know that this is a concrete...I'm a fan of repetition to some extend but I think it's too much here. Try the "deep dark eyes part mybe every third or fourth stanza...
[n/a]
PodPoet @ 68.6.188.203
> wilco
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23-May-05/8:58 PM
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Reply
Thanks, and I agree with you. Cut down on the "chorus" and I like it more. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
You should set off the refrain some way, indented perhaps, Maybe call this a lyric. Most of this is good, but "worship" goes too far.
Thanks for your thoughts Dovina. Agreed, indenting the refrain looks & reads better. As for doing away with "worship," I feel strongly about keeping that word. I feel that only when Jews and Arabs go beyond respecting to actually loving each other as worthy people, will the nightmare end.
To honor The other's dignity is good. But "To honor and worship The other's dignity"? Nope, that goes too far in the direction of impossibility.
The indentations are not needed. Also for someone who wants to kill the cliche, there's a lot of it here...maybe that's the point.
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