Re: I've often been known to make people laugh by T. Jonathron Remp |
2-Sep-05/11:44 AM |
I've been known to give people zeroes for crappy poems..I'm just gonna give this one a 5 though because it did actually make me chuckle a little.
|
|
|
|
regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Sep-05/11:46 AM |
Shorten this to maybe two stanzas and get all the information into that and it could be pretty good.
|
|
|
|
Re: Falling by D. $ Fontera |
2-Sep-05/11:51 AM |
Wow, this is the first really good poem I've read on here in a while. Godd job..it's good.
|
|
|
|
Re: The Absense of God by Bluemonkey |
2-Sep-05/11:55 AM |
I feel you dog, but keep working on this one.
|
|
|
|
Re: How Angels Sleep by Dovina |
2-Sep-05/12:37 PM |
Hey you've been doing well while I was away.
|
|
|
|
Re: at home amongst the strangers by unknown^user |
2-Sep-05/5:22 PM |
Good memories. I'm guessing you meant to leave out the capitalizations and normally that would annoy me, but for some reason I think it's okay here.
It's funny how watching this business in New Orleans on TV is almost like a movie. You can't believe it's really happening. Funny thing is that if it were a movie, you'd be sitting there, watching it and thinking, "this shit would never happen in a million years".
|
|
|
|
Re: The fight by INTRANSIT |
2-Sep-05/9:01 PM |
naughty...I'd change huge kitchen to large kitchen for better flow.
|
|
|
|
Re: ANALYZE THIS by drnick |
7-Sep-05/6:47 PM |
|
|
Re: modern death(Debuffeted) by Crakyamuni |
7-Sep-05/6:51 PM |
I've seen you do better and I think you could probably make this quite a bit better if you gave it your full attention. However, not bad as is.
|
|
|
|
Re: Stop stalking me, eventually by T. Jonathron Remp |
7-Sep-05/7:02 PM |
This is what Dr. Seuss would've written had he been mentally retarded.
Seriously...this is just horrible. You're capable of better, I know...
|
|
|
|
regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Sep-05/7:10 PM |
Heather, may I make a suggestion to you here?
Good, here goes..
1) Stop trying to rhyme and say what you want to say. When you try to rhyme every line like this, you end up making it sound so forced and unoriginal. The only time you need to do it is if you're writing in a specific form. Just because it's poetry doesn't mean it has to rhyme.
2) Try to find a new way to say what you're saying. I guaruntee you there's at least 100 poems on this site alone that say this exact same thing with at least half of the same words. If you want someone to enjoy what you write, make it original and interesting. If you're just writing for therapy, start a journal and don't subject people to reading this type of thing.
3) Don't vote on your own poem. It's just bad form.
4) You're probably pretty pissed off at this comment and think me an asshole. The truth is that I'm not an asshole...in fact, I'm a nice guy, because I'm taking the time to type all of this when everyone else who reads it will think the same thing but not tell you.
5) This applies to every one of the poems that you've just posted.
6) This applies also to most everyone on this site.
|
|
|
|
regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Sep-05/8:53 PM |
I know this is really an odd complaint, but there may be too much imagery here....still, pretty good and it's worded well..
|
|
|
|
regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Sep-05/8:54 PM |
It started well, but after the first line just sort of died....probably the worst thing I've ever read that you've written.
|
|
|
|
Re: Cat Poem by MacFrantic |
7-Sep-05/9:00 PM |
Hmm, I hate cats too but I don't know if I'd go that far..still a good poem though.
|
|
|
|
Re: Beneath The Undertow by longships |
8-Sep-05/12:43 PM |
I don't think undertow is the word you're looking for here...I don't think one could be under the undertow..maybe try something else..I don't know what, just something else....wake maybe...
Otherwise, not too bad.
|
|
|
|
Re: Rejuvenation by Dovina |
8-Sep-05/12:49 PM |
I like the way this flows and the sounds of it, but it's just a little peppy for me (I'm in a state of disillusionment with the human race at the moment), sooooooooo....I don't know...thats just how I feel, and as many of the whipper snappers posting on this site will tell you, feelings are the only thing that matters.
|
|
|
|
Re: modern death(Debuffeted) by Crakyamuni |
8-Sep-05/12:50 PM |
mm...I liked the last line better before...
|
|
|
|
Re: God-Damn Love by D. $ Fontera |
8-Sep-05/12:54 PM |
How is it that you can write something good ("Falling") and then post this foolishness. The Drive-By Truckers' "God Damn Lonely Love" is much better...check that out.
|
|
|
|
regarding some deleted poem... |
8-Sep-05/12:58 PM |
Kind of funny, but I just don't see why I wasted my time reading it...
|
|
|
|
Re: Stardust by TLRufener |
8-Sep-05/1:03 PM |
And for a second I thought it was Willie..but alas, no.
There's just nothing original here...please see my comment on...umm, one of the poems by Heather Dee as it applies here as well.
|
|
|
|