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modern death(Debuffeted) (Free verse) by Crakyamuni The terror of dreaming about self inflicted lust,
lashing at the back of my forward distractions,
my errors HAcking and skratching on my frontal lobe reaction
With I used you for sex today claim her,
without a name Your distraction is heaven the shallow
tremblings,
only sustanence can make me relevant
Such a stance is mediocre at birth
so I She was born to feed me ill divine will this one will hurt,
and she will be the one to forget
It sings like a song that was born self aware,
drinkings me to death, drinkings me to lifeless
with every death we wish her good health
Up the ladder:
capital punishment
Down the ladder:
Mr. Haiku showed up at my door- so I
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.3333333
Posted: September 6, 2005 10:49 AM PDT; Last modified: September 9, 2005 9:10 PM PDTWeighted score: 4.8013287 Overall Rank: 11101 Comments:
"sings" in the last line. "gray" unless you're British. A terrible poem, which doesn't mean it's not good. It's just terrible.
mm...I liked the last line better before...
Yes New Orleans is a sad reflection on why cartoons need to be re-embraced. We sad heart filled types are getting all Anthropomorphic on our brothers and sisters!? What the hell do cartoons have to do with anything? A schizoid moment. Can I get an assasination attempt? Amen. Tom and Jerry everyone.
Confusing (VERY)
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This is a better edit, although I did notice that in the last line, you got simgs instead of sings. Also, I'd love a little punctuation (a little pet peeve of mine).
Incidentally, The Scout seemed to strike people funny...I don't think most people really put any thought into it, as most thought that the Scout in the poem was a person...it wasn't. It can probably be interpreted in several ways, but the basic premise is that we fucked up. Be it in the fact that New Orleans was built below sea level, the fact that the levees weren't made like they should've been, that people just went completely apeshit minutes after the hurricane was over or any other number of things....the whole thing is..we fucked up as people.
BTW, none of us know anything of poems...if we did, we would be published and doing this for a living instead of posting on the Ranker.