| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Katrina (Free verse) by jessicazee The hurricane
is a galaxy
on TV
The bayou folk
ride alligators
with charms and hexes
Dead bodies float
or sink
the Civil War veterans
The quarter is French
submerged
a truly sea level
A levee breaks
just like the song
calamity, a wet
Up the ladder:
Kites, Gunpowder, and a Chair
Down the ladder:
Fun At The Gynaecologists
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.111111
Posted: August 30, 2005 10:00 PM PDT; Last modified: August 30, 2005 10:00 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.5555553 Overall Rank: 2462 Comments:
[8]
INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.69
|
31-Aug-05/6:17 AM
|
Reply
I like the first and second stanzas. 3 needs its lines shuffled and delete the -the- in the fourth, this will connect the two. take a rasp to the english and the end seems to be dangling, unfinished, as if suddenly washed away. ees goot.
good poem, kinda hangs at the end, but good *8* :) Bethy
I'd lose the fifth stanza. We don't need a Zeppelin reference. Lose the The in the fourth stanza and your pretty good.
Could be really good, but the line "The quarter is French" is quite odd. Almost as odd as the French. Perhaps that's what you meant by it...
Yeah, It does look like a galaxy from space. A comma after sink would clarify. A wet what?
Please consider submitting this wonderful poem to http://hellicane.blogspot.com -- poems by, for and about the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Thanks.
257 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
