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Kristi's Quiescence (Free verse) by matt door She empties me,
so carefully,
with her saddest smile come autumn.
She folds me gently
with regret,
and sets me softly in her sentiment.
She lays me just aside,
(such a warm repose from winter),
for when the birds come back once more.
Up the ladder:
Me
Down the ladder:
A fish, or what's left of one
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.111111
Posted: March 28, 2006 7:19 PM PST; Last modified: March 28, 2006 7:19 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.5555553 Overall Rank: 2465 Comments:
[6]
Dovina @ 70.38.78.229
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28-Mar-06/7:29 PM
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Reply
Poems for the last 300 years or more have expressed similar sentiments, but they are new for each new lover. Carry on, and try to make it as original as is possible with such a cloud of witnesses.
Not bad, but it seems too familiar, done.
A poem to last?
'Her saddest smile...' got me going, I feel there's more waiting to be said from there. However, I also think it would spoil the swift beauty of this one. I really like the brevity of it, although I'm not convinced by the first two lines. Still a very pleasant read.
very beautiful
<3
seems a bit distant. i like the form and flow, but i don't get any depth of feel for the object of the poem. it might help to expound upon some of her physical features.
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