| Re: Can you believe this piece of shit was #1? by horus8 |
30-Jul-03/8:23 AM |
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Great poem, love the personification of faith, and the hand towels. You're a genius when you wanna, a poet always. Kisses.
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| Re: Sonnet for a Suicide by <~> |
29-Jul-03/2:28 PM |
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You can write anything. I say we send our resumes to Madison Ave.
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| Re: Taurus women and the pride by Shardik |
29-Jul-03/2:14 PM |
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Touche, mon ami, mon frere. '... find that tether between men and my wild stance' ' I roar for your warm blood' ' covering your death face...' very good, excellent. Last Stanza I love, especially as an ending. Good structure. What's " 'ntil " I've never seen that before?
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| Re: Ode to a Pizza Hut Roach by http://mulberryfairy |
27-Jul-03/12:02 PM |
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Oh, so you know which lives are worth saving and which aren't? Interesting. This isn't poetry, it's a manifesto. I think short story or any prose form is more your style.
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| Re: a comment on #1 entry from Chico, the star stalker on Pico by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
27-Jul-03/11:58 AM |
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and they all smell of kimchi and they all own cheap clothing shops called Fashion Lady or Fashion 4 U or Fashion Love or Fashion Joy and we you try to return something they yell at you "You no undastan! No refun! Ekchain only! Undastan? Ekchain only!!!
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| Re: Memoirs II by http://mulberryfairy |
27-Jul-03/11:29 AM |
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You have an eye for what matters, now can you possibly make these lines sing? Too prosy, too conversational.
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| Re: Death on my arm by INTRANSIT |
27-Jul-03/11:27 AM |
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| Re: Choices by INTRANSIT |
27-Jul-03/11:26 AM |
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It should read "bruisies"(justkidding)get rid of 'and' at the end of L3.
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| Re: Yellow Star by Mr Pig |
22-Jul-03/3:35 PM |
Listen,
If any mother's child dies
It does not matter how.
Wicked is wicked anyway you slice it. Let us say my boy
Yes my sweet boy Cancer maybe?
Or prejudice?
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| Re: Yellow Star by Mr Pig |
22-Jul-03/3:29 PM |
Mr. Pig, Mr. Pig, you overwhelm
Like a waltz with too much structure, you send me
spinning round the room.
Less is sometimes more.
But still I love you so
I hate to upset this unique cart.
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| Re: Your Heart is my Heaven by Free2Rhyme15 |
22-Jul-03/3:21 PM |
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Sweet dear child, this poem of yours, what can I possibly say? Despite her obvious faults she is a true real beauty. "She pasted away" here you have stumpled onto the genius of words. Good for you, she needs an edit, the way a lovely girl could use a good haircut and a decent pair of shoes.
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| Re: Optimism, pessimism and my quarter theory by INTRANSIT |
15-Jul-03/10:30 AM |
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There's an abrupt change between truck and car at the end, it disturbs this otherwise excellent poem.
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| Re: SILENT ECHOES by Tahlia |
15-Jul-03/10:26 AM |
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Don't like the ... after own; mis-leading. Edit out 'my universe'.
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| Re: unsent by Bill Z Bub |
15-Jul-03/10:22 AM |
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I have a problem with 'that' in the 3rd-to-last line. Could it be "will" or perhaps just move straight to slowly?
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| Re: thought & memory by Bill Z Bub |
15-Jul-03/10:15 AM |
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I have a problem with 'infinitesimal'. Otherwise perfect, especially the last stanza.
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| Re: My Goddess... by loneshadow29 |
15-Jul-03/10:09 AM |
the first three lines are very good.
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| Re: Death In The Cherry Brook Nursing Home by scitz |
15-Jul-03/9:52 AM |
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Life is for the living, and when you're old a comfy chair is worth the loss of a few principles. Nice flow, succinct.
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| Re: the godself within by crwncka1 |
8-Jul-03/4:00 PM |
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| Re: Pilgrimage by Christof |
1-Jul-03/12:21 AM |
Great cadence.
I've missed you
You end to quickly, as richa said, you shut down before it's really begun.
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| Re: MotherF*ckers Who Fuck Above/Two Story Apartment by JoyLuck |
26-Jun-03/10:17 AM |
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You are briliant, dealing out these dada postcards. I truly love them.
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