Re: For my darling Lori by Twisted Wizard	13-Oct-03/1:50 PM
She stood at your feet? Was she in a hole? A person cannot be the epidome of someone elses desire. For example I can't say Mother Teresa is the epitome of my goodness. Other than that it's nauseatingly green.
Re: alone by mia	13-Oct-03/1:43 PM
More of the same... Underdeveloped, undercooked, underbreed, undernourished, underacted, underage underdrawers(of the stinky variety).
Re: thanksgiving by kingit	13-Oct-03/1:27 PM
clever. Capitalize turkey.
Re: a comment on ٠صادر فلسطينية أن الاحتلال by Wobble McFly	13-Oct-03/1:23 PM
How much you wanna bet?
Re: Man & Woman by Mona Lisa	18-Sep-03/11:00 AM
huh? the last line doesn't make sense to me. You're also taking a risk when you say "All women" is that ever true?
Re: Inner-city parish by richa	18-Sep-03/10:57 AM
This is great! Anyone who wants to understand how image imparts meaning, and the emotion the poet is trying to express, should take a look at this poem. You stay right with the metaphor throughout, well done.
Re: A Fathers Loss by Lanman427	18-Sep-03/10:53 AM
Well, it's good to see this side of things, but it's all sentiment and no vision. How was the chidhood not perfect, how did you do your best? You need to give the reader images, not sentiment, the images impart the sentiment, that's how poetry works. You should give it another go. Try to discribe what has actually gone on. When's the last time you saw this child? Discribe that to me, the first time you saw her/him, what your hopes were, literally. A home? Laughter? Don't just say 'I had so much hope for us', blah, blah, blah.
Re: Empty by leviathan	18-Sep-03/10:40 AM
By the way the first two stanzas are silly at best. What on earth are you trying to say? "Satin walls of purposeful isolation"? What's that? You start of cold and then speak of a vengeful sun, that doesn't seem right.
Re: Empty by leviathan	18-Sep-03/10:35 AM
The 3rd stanza is very good. Great images, really. You need to finish the 1st line though, any what? Color? You've got to say something after 'any'. Also 'besides' in line two can be misconstrued, how about 'other than' or 'except' or 'if not for'? the last two lines need to be condensed, you've built a lovely flow of images here don't bog it down with an excess of words. Tarnished as all skin turned Angry as every dream falls empty and burns. In the last stanza you only need say "Wrong to believe" once at the beginning and then you can go down each line beginning with The Sun Anything I shouldn't The word 'that' is completely unnecessary and ugly. Do you see?
Re: Love Kills by Kitch	18-Sep-03/10:21 AM
Childish
Re: travels by eyzwdeshut	18-Sep-03/10:20 AM
Errrr, tell me what you gave what you said, what you spoke, I can;t join you touch you know you or apprieciate this poem enless you give me some specifics please. Check your mis-spells.
Re: Wake and Bake Club by sir_heff	18-Sep-03/10:16 AM
Ah too bad, you crap-out after line 3 in the 2nd stanza.
Re: We the destroyers by Crakyamuni	18-Sep-03/10:15 AM
The last line is solid but the rest is so contrived. The fourth line is complete nonsense, and if your talking about The Judgement in the sixth line then no one can hide, not from that. Also the word 'free' implies freedom which is a good thing. It be better to use a word like void, or vacant, or without etc... Also the title makes no sense whatsoever. The church is not the destroyer. The lamb is, or in this case the dove.
Re: a comment on Nicholas Martin by horus8	14-Sep-03/8:26 AM
So is this about the tickets? I see, how telling. Don't worry the checks in the mail. You too have a phone that calls outwardly. We lost track of the date. Our lives do not revolve around yours, and it takes up time and energy to bring two households together. We dropped by the day to see you. You unfortunately, as is the case more often than not, where completely unavailable. You spoke only of yourself never showing any interest in this wonderful thing that has happened to me. I left it at that, and didn't even think of judging you because of it. You disgust me. Your conduct has no love in it. Instead of expressing some kind of sorrow or disapointment, all you express is empty rage, and on so public and impersonnel a place as the internet.(it's not about walking on eggshells, it's about somethings being dear enough to be private, like my wedding was) You're ego has flucuated, you've always taken up a lot of room, as some artists do, but now you are the worst kind of artist, you are an egomaniac. I feel sorry for you. It wasn't long ago you called me crying on the phone because you caught a glimpse of the reality of what your life has become. What you do for money I have never done, except maybe for love, maybe, don't fool yourself, you are the cripple.
Re: a comment on Nicholas Martin by horus8	13-Sep-03/9:00 PM
Fuck you you asshole you think everything is about you? Your Ego is out of control. When's the last time you came to my house? 2 yrs ago? 3yrs ago? Too busy spending all day with the computer? That's your most sacred relationship. Perhaps other things have been oocupying my time. I don't need your blessing, and when I came over with Ty you completely ignored him and played your guitar the whole time we were there. I don't appreciate your insensitivity and I will not accept your apology. Why do you have to always air your views on the internet? I'm really not liking you right now. Fuck you. A disappearer? If you had a sacred relationship with those you love, and live with you stop your whoring.
Re: a comment on Nicholas Martin by horus8	13-Sep-03/10:01 AM
I've been right here. Pleas, try to honor our union by not saying crude things about it. It's really something sacred to me, so if you don't mind...
Re: Arm 'n' headin (Mr.Mexicacco) by suprembeaner	13-Sep-03/2:04 AM
Child. I love a good trailer-park. No I won't ovulate for your mother anymore than I would give the tribe up for bread. I've been told a tale or 2.
Re: If I Wrote The Perfect Poem by toward	12-Sep-03/5:20 PM
The body rules the mind, don't fool yourself.
Re: Nicholas Martin by horus8	12-Sep-03/5:12 PM
Condolences to you my love. Things like these are bound to happen, everything is all fucked-up.
Re: The Shadow's Dead by loneshadow29	12-Sep-03/4:43 PM
Get rid of stupid bitch. Otherwise the best thing you've written. Seriously. Oh, and it's "your life in ruins" How about "Everybody's bound to meet their fate"? You hold your rythmn and don't let go. It's all grown-up.