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Nicholas Martin (Other) by horus8 To the poets of poemranker & those who knew
the ingenius poetry of Settle;
A very strange thing happened to me today.
I received a phone call from his Mother.
Apparently, Nicholas, decided to hang himself
dead in his apartment. Nicholas, was my friend,
and a brilliant young man. Why he chose to
end his life at twenty years of age is just
incredibly unjustifiable and a fucking shame.
I had him over for dinner earlier this Summer,
and I sensed he was depressed, but this is just
unbelievable and very disturbing to me.
Therefore, I will keep this short. For those
of you that shared an interest in his mind as
I very much did... Take a moment with me now.
A young and beautiful artist has left the building
permanently. God bless you Nicholas, and you and
your family will be in mine, and my family's prayers.
9-12-03.
With love, and condolences,
Jeremi Britt Handrinos.
Up the ladder:
Lake Pyramid's Secret
Down the ladder:
Temporal
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.625
Posted: September 12, 2003 4:31 PM PDT; Last modified: September 12, 2003 4:33 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.7059712 Overall Rank: 1928 Comments:
Condolences to you my love. Things like these are bound to happen, everything is all fucked-up.
Where have you been? Dick whipped in newly wed's bliss.
I've been right here. Pleas, try to honor our union by not saying crude things about it. It's really something sacred to me, so if you don't mind...
I would love too... but normally what happens is people are invited to a union. It's a festive time for friends and family to interact to the new clan member, but since you've met this guy (sorry i forgot his name) because, well I've met him once for a ten minutes or so, and I haven't heard from you since? Tyrone? was it? So I appologize, but the last time I checked my 'sister' (that would be you) was a communicative creature not a disappearer. So when you mention the word "sacred" I must snicker. Did you mean 'secret'? Because, I haven't seen you since. I have a sacred relationship with more than one person in my life, and it's never come in between me and closest friends. So know offense but you haven't given me, or Micah, or Nadine a chance to share your heart felt ideologies on the meaning behind what is and isn't sacred. So fucking pardon me. You never allowed me to give you my blessing or love. I never went to any union? What did you guys pitch salt over your shoulders and fuck eachother mute? So spare me your snippets on what is and what isn't crude because I really would have to call you a fucking selfish cunt then and tell you to go fuck yourself. i never got invited to shit, no picture, never got to give you a present, or anything? Don't project your mediocre grasp on reality or relationships at me. I'll call your bluff, and laugh. Friends don't blow off one another because they find a new piece of ass. That's just weak, really cheap and weak, sorry you're high on cock and not thinking clearly. You should get that checked out really. I wouldn't want you turning into a clotheline tender with a tongue for everything but the phone.
Fuck you you asshole you think everything is about you? Your Ego is out of control. When's the last time you came to my house? 2 yrs ago? 3yrs ago? Too busy spending all day with the computer? That's your most sacred relationship. Perhaps other things have been oocupying my time. I don't need your blessing, and when I came over with Ty you completely ignored him and played your guitar the whole time we were there. I don't appreciate your insensitivity and I will not accept your apology. Why do you have to always air your views on the internet? I'm really not liking you right now. Fuck you. A disappearer? If you had a sacred relationship with those you love, and live with you stop your whoring.
Is it? I don't go to whittier or your house sweetheart, because, i don't regress, whittier disgusts me, and it always has. i would suggest in the future when you decide to drop by my house unexpected, and eat my fucking food, take twenty five bucks worth of my concert tickets which = food out of my sons mouth. don't be surprised if people have things to do when you drop by out of the blue to feed your fucking cripple at my house, and i'm playing guitar? oh, i'm sorry, but that's what i do every day whether, you're here with what's his name or not. "If you had a sacred relationship with those you love, and live with you stop your whoring" i do what i have to do for money. You do it for free. By the way, i'll air whatever i want wherever i want. i don't live on eggshells or in a glass house. You could have told me you weren't going, pick up the phone? Those tickets came out of my pocket, not yours, or the gimps. That was just a fucking cheap thing to do. Also, i would always rather play guitar, than chat up the fucking wounded retards you drag over to my home. My house is not a fucking diner for the handicap, or the poetically challenged (Raphael, or whoever is on your list of potential face cream donors). Also, you took money out of my sons mouth. i told you don't take the tickets if you couldn't go. That came out of my pocket. You could have called, I would have had Nadine grab them, and give them to someone that gave a shit. You know as well as i do, My ego doesn't fluctuate, and this has nothing to do with me, or what i do for a living, or anything like that, don't change the subject, and go brush your fucking teeth, what you did was lazy and cheap, so spare me. And remember, i can back my ego up with brains, cock, and pure charisma, not to mention the physical ability to snap peoples heads off. That's not ego missy, that's reality.
Shut up man, god'swife can back up her ego with a massive ovum.
So is this about the tickets? I see, how telling. Don't worry the checks in the mail. You too have a phone that calls outwardly. We lost track of the date. Our lives do not revolve around yours, and it takes up time and energy to bring two households together. We dropped by the day to see you. You unfortunately, as is the case more often than not, where completely unavailable. You spoke only of yourself never showing any interest in this wonderful thing that has happened to me. I left it at that, and didn't even think of judging you because of it.
You disgust me. Your conduct has no love in it. Instead of expressing some kind of sorrow or disapointment, all you express is empty rage, and on so public and impersonnel a place as the internet.(it's not about walking on eggshells, it's about somethings being dear enough to be private, like my wedding was) You're ego has flucuated, you've always taken up a lot of room, as some artists do, but now you are the worst kind of artist, you are an egomaniac. I feel sorry for you. It wasn't long ago you called me crying on the phone because you caught a glimpse of the reality of what your life has become. What you do for money I have never done, except maybe for love, maybe, don't fool yourself, you are the cripple.
1. No, it's not about the tickets, it's about the
fact that you know I am, and was struggling to have a real career in a positive healthy aspect, and this was my first big gig on a real significant level for me and you knew that and you know that I've worked very hard practicing everyday (writing, acting, playing, singing) for the last five fucking years, while providing for my family with no help from my family or hers, ironically, older more intelligent gay men with a real interest in making a difference in my life have went out of their way at every opportunity available to step up and support my valiant task of having a family while re-educating myself and educating them, a very expensive task. So, yeah, i'll do whatever necessary, so that I can go to acting school, and music school, and send my son to a great school so that him and his mother might have a better life with more opportunities. That's not egomanical you daft that's love That's Mary Magnallen love, I can't help it if people are more interested in blowing me than my mind, but it's been that way my whole life, so if they won't give me the 'real' job, god damn right they're going to pay to blow me. water seeks the lowest level, so why not bring a boat. what are you stupid all of a sudden. You know all of this about me, you cry with me about it, promise to be on my side and have helped me all along all of these years, and then turn around and condem me for it? you are unloyal darling and tactically, a traitor. 2) That I would sell my soul and sacrafice my integrity? for a new beginning at life for my family and myself? you know i was in military prison, you know no real employer on a nine to five level would hire me after seeing my record, you know there is very few jobs in the 9-5 world I could qualify for, because, I'm over qualified, you know I'm a genius, and I deserve a chance to share my magic with the world and make a normal life for me and my family too, doing what I'm best at, story telling and performing. My world is not 9-5, nor has it ever it's 24-7, I spend all day every day fighting for a better life and a stronger foundation and education for my family. People with big ego's can't do that especially if they are Narcissistic, because a Narcissist, idiot, wouldn't take physical or mental risks like i do, for anything, they might be flawed in the process, and a Narcissist, or ego maniac, are to terrified of dying and preoccupied with how they look and feel to make that dangerous of a sacrifice that hustling is saturated in. Disease, murder, drugs, rape, the night life, the guilt, the lack of self respect and constant self mutilation. get it? i'm not an ego maniac patty. I'm a struggling young father that's trying to make up in hurry for all of the lost time in his past when he was selfish and rebelling, mostly against nothing but himself and a shallow culture of idiots like you.
Jolly rousing speech old bean, but I can't help wondering how spending about 25 hours a week arguing on a poetry web site is "fighting for a better life and stronger foundation and education for my family". You're not even in the correct harness, for God's sake.
It's called multi tasking and windows darky. I work on editing music and other things via my computer so it is easy to just keep a ranker window open, and besides poetry is my love. As for harnesses, old bean, what would a voice box, and a handicap sticker know about harnesses? Besides the ones that take him in and out of vans and bathtubs, mind your own fucking business.
As it happens, Sir, I know a great deal about harnesses. Bathing harnesses, evacuating harnesses, mating harnesses, shoehorning harnesses: you name it, I've been clumsily strapped into it and forced to engage in the corresponding activity.
Furthermore old bean, if you think "mind your own fucking business" has any meaning coming from you after the last 14+ months of you constantly and deliberately exposing the details of your life through the medium of long, tedious arguments with attention-obsessed, talentless groupies, then you've obviously lost sight of what a ridiculous figure you've become on poemeranker. You don't even have the excuse of being a fictional gestalt entity made of a voice box and a handicap sticker. And this time... it's personal.
Ha, that's where you're wrong my friend. We are the same, but opposite. You are a learned English cripple chortling a full 35 hours a week to my twenty five on the ranker. While I'm a rogue American cripple. But you are physically challenged, while I am spiritually and mentally crippled. What we have in common is "in this frail life line of ours" in order to pull it all off with is the fiction underneath the truth, because, you know as well as I do they are the same before and after the deed is done. Money buys time. I love time. We both use our insatiable need for time and self mutilation via internet and other invisible worlds because, we 'just fucking can'. Period. Why not, I mean you have Mommy's money to burn you spoon fed ancient twat, and I have my cock earned green backs. We are both handicapped and escaping, daily, so drink a nice warm cup of piss and honey, lover, call the servant into finger bang the last hole on you still with a voice, and shut the fuck up.
What was last time? Impersonal? Bring it on.
This reminds me of a conversation I once dreamed about.
fade in: Jeremi's head one night long ago... Jeffrey Dahlmer - hey? are you going to eat that tongue? Ed Gein -- no, but pass me my mother, she's under the patte. Jeffrey Dahlmer - next week could you cook my gay frail nigger jew in olive oil and basil. I believe the corn oil that you've been using to fry with has been giving my scrotum a bit of a rash. Ed Gein -- well, perhaps you should quit trying to stuff his femur up your ass? And there you have it. I AM THE BLACK. FUCK YOUR KETTLE.
Perhaps, your under appreciated servant spiked your mineral oil with 'love', and you just can't feel it. get it, because your spinal chord is severed, and you are pissed at the wrong guy. try your past life or god karma boy.
It's about doing something on a level bigger and more socially and culturally significant patty, than Whittier, and you, or me. It's a love for the healing power and adventure of story and... It's my destiny and i am committed to making a difference, somehow before I die. So take that cock out of your mouth, you treacherous cunt, and quit projecting your guilt about the truth of the real matter at hand back at me... You have betrayed our friendship. you are a liar. your union? There was no wedding that i know of, so i don't understand what you are talking about. you mean that you ARE IN LOVE. Just be honest, and say it, you are caught up in love qand blowing everyone and everything else off. Are you blind? i recieved no invitation, heard of no reception, all you said was that the two of you had given eachother your vows? I do that every day with my girlfriend too. "A union" you are vague. you show up say "I'm married" i'm like what? when? you say well not really just verbally between us, and I'm thinking wow, "she's finally gone over the deep end that she's so old and still not married, so she's talked this poor shmuck into some weird verbal union, and that's why he has this glazed sheep boy look in his eyes like he still doesn't even know what's fucking happened to him, sounds more like Circe keeping the men on her island to me". You can't fool me, your truth of union is a lie of FEARRRRRRRRRRR! ha ha! You are now like everyone else with the actual 'egos' and 'selfish' natures we always stood up against. You actually got me to open up to you, and then turn around and use it as your weapon? you think I'm unaware of who I am or what i do? You dare! Of all the Gaul. you give an ear and a shoulder and then use the sad truth as your pathetic weapon? By calling me a whore? ha ha ha. i knew it all along. you'll sell anyone out, even your best friends, for a mouthfull of cock and attention. you make me sick. you are banned from my life and no longer my son's god mother, and you know what else? He's going to leave you in fourteen months. Irreconcilable differences.
Did this happen at his school?
When is the funeral?
.
Well said, you are a poet.
Jeremi,
Please accept my deepest sympathy. A life ended so soon is tragic. I have three children around Nicholas's age. Life is so complicated today and kids are torn in so many directions with so many expectations imposed on them. I have a daughter of 21 who struggles with depression...it can be very tough...my heart bleeds for Nicholas' parents. I'm sure your friendship was a source of comfort to him....but life can be so fucking cruel...Be well my friend, Joe-joe
never knew him - now i cant -
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that is very sad to hear.. and leaves me, a man of words
with very little of any value to say.