Other № 64783
Nicholas Martin
To the poets of poemranker & those who knew
the ingenius poetry of Settle;
A very strange thing happened to me today.
I received a phone call from his Mother.
Apparently, Nicholas, decided to hang himself
dead in his apartment. Nicholas, was my friend,
and a brilliant young man. Why he chose to
end his life at twenty years of age is just
incredibly unjustifiable and a fucking shame.
I had him over for dinner earlier this Summer,
and I sensed he was depressed, but this is just
unbelievable and very disturbing to me.
Therefore, I will keep this short. For those
of you that shared an interest in his mind as
I very much did... Take a moment with me now.
A young and beautiful artist has left the building
permanently. God bless you Nicholas, and you and
your family will be in mine, and my family's prayers.
9-12-03.
With love, and condolences,
Jeremi Britt Handrinos.
27 comments
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that is very sad to hear.. and leaves me, a man of words
with very little of any value to say.
You disgust me. Your conduct has no love in it. Instead of expressing some kind of sorrow or disapointment, all you express is empty rage, and on so public and impersonnel a place as the internet.(it's not about walking on eggshells, it's about somethings being dear enough to be private, like my wedding was) You're ego has flucuated, you've always taken up a lot of room, as some artists do, but now you are the worst kind of artist, you are an egomaniac. I feel sorry for you. It wasn't long ago you called me crying on the phone because you caught a glimpse of the reality of what your life has become. What you do for money I have never done, except maybe for love, maybe, don't fool yourself, you are the cripple.
fact that you know I am, and was struggling to have
a real career in a positive healthy aspect, and this was
my first big gig on a real significant level for me and
you knew that and you know that I've worked very hard practicing everyday (writing, acting, playing, singing) for the last five fucking years, while providing for my family
with no help from my family or hers, ironically,
older more intelligent gay men with a real interest in making a difference in my life have went out of their way
at every opportunity available to step up and support
my valiant task of having a family while re-educating
myself and educating them, a very expensive task. So,
yeah, i'll do whatever necessary, so that I can go to
acting school, and music school, and send my son to a great school so that him and his mother might have a better life with more opportunities. That's not egomanical you daft that's love That's Mary Magnallen love, I can't help
it if people are more interested in blowing me than
my mind, but it's been that way my whole life, so if
they won't give me the 'real' job, god damn right
they're going to pay to blow me. water seeks the lowest
level, so why not bring a boat. what are you stupid all
of a sudden. You know all of this about me, you cry
with me about it, promise to be on my side and have
helped me all along all of these years, and then turn
around and condem me for it? you are unloyal darling
and tactically, a traitor.
2) That I would sell my soul
and sacrafice my integrity? for a new beginning at
life for my family and myself? you know i was in military
prison, you know no real employer on a nine to five level
would hire me after seeing my record, you know there is very few jobs in the 9-5 world I could qualify for, because,
I'm over qualified, you know I'm a genius, and I deserve
a chance to share my magic with the world and make a normal
life for me and my family too, doing what I'm best at,
story telling and performing. My world is not 9-5, nor has it ever it's 24-7, I spend all day every day fighting for a better life and a stronger foundation and education for my family. People with big ego's can't do that especially if they are Narcissistic, because a Narcissist, idiot,
wouldn't take physical or mental risks like i do, for anything, they might be flawed in the process, and a Narcissist, or ego maniac, are to terrified of dying
and preoccupied with how they look and feel to make that dangerous of a sacrifice that hustling is saturated in.
Disease, murder, drugs, rape, the night life, the guilt,
the lack of self respect and constant self mutilation. get it? i'm not an ego maniac patty. I'm a struggling young father that's trying to make up in hurry for all of the lost time in his past when he was selfish and rebelling, mostly against nothing but himself and a shallow culture of idiots like you.
Furthermore old bean, if you think "mind your own fucking business" has any meaning coming from you after the last 14+ months of you constantly and deliberately exposing the details of your life through the medium of long, tedious arguments with attention-obsessed, talentless groupies, then you've obviously lost sight of what a ridiculous figure you've become on poemeranker. You don't even have the excuse of being a fictional gestalt entity made of a voice box and a handicap sticker.
And this time... it's personal.
fade in: Jeremi's head one night long ago...
Jeffrey Dahlmer - hey? are you going to eat that tongue?
Ed Gein -- no, but pass me my mother, she's under the patte.
Jeffrey Dahlmer - next week could you cook my gay frail nigger jew in olive oil and basil. I believe the corn oil that you've been using to fry with has been giving my scrotum a bit of a rash.
Ed Gein -- well, perhaps you should quit trying to stuff his femur up your ass?
And there you have it. I AM THE BLACK. FUCK YOUR KETTLE.
It's about doing something on a level
bigger and more socially and culturally significant patty, than Whittier, and you, or me. It's a love for the healing
power and adventure of story and... It's my destiny and i am committed to making a difference, somehow before I die.
So take that cock out of your mouth, you treacherous cunt, and quit projecting your guilt about the truth of the real matter at hand back at me... You have betrayed our friendship. you are a liar. your union? There was no wedding that i know of, so i don't understand what you are talking about. you mean that you ARE IN LOVE. Just be honest, and say it, you are caught up in love qand blowing everyone and everything else off. Are you blind? i recieved no invitation, heard of no reception, all you said was that the two of you had given eachother your vows? I do that every day with my girlfriend too. "A union" you are vague. you show up say "I'm married" i'm like what? when? you say well not really just verbally between us, and I'm thinking wow, "she's finally gone over the deep end that she's so old and still not married, so she's talked this poor shmuck into some weird verbal union, and that's why he has this glazed sheep boy look in his eyes like he still doesn't even know what's fucking happened to him, sounds more like Circe keeping the men on her island to me". You can't fool me, your truth of union is a lie of FEARRRRRRRRRRR! ha ha!
You are now like everyone else with the actual 'egos' and 'selfish' natures we always stood up against. You actually got me to open up to you, and then turn around and use it as your weapon? you think I'm unaware of who I am or what i do?
You dare! Of all the Gaul. you give an ear and a shoulder and then use the sad truth as your pathetic weapon? By calling me a whore? ha ha ha. i knew it all along. you'll sell anyone out, even your best friends, for a mouthfull of cock and attention. you make me sick. you are banned from my life and no longer my son's god mother, and you know what else? He's going to leave you in fourteen months. Irreconcilable differences.
When is the funeral?
Please accept my deepest sympathy. A life ended so soon is tragic. I have three children around Nicholas's age. Life is so complicated today and kids are torn in so many directions with so many expectations imposed on them. I have a daughter of 21 who struggles with depression...it can be very tough...my heart bleeds for Nicholas' parents. I'm sure your friendship was a source of comfort to him....but life can be so fucking cruel...Be well my friend, Joe-joe
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