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If I Wrote The Perfect Poem

Member since 2003 · Posted 12 Sep 2003 · 14 comments

if I could write the perfect poem paint my dreams with rich colors, in vivid detail wrench the demons from my darkest recesses my life and thoughts in eloquent relief if I could do all this surely my life would be fixed peace, satisfaction, and fulfillment would blossom like clover temptation would wither and return to dust frustration would melt and evaporate just writing it down would be enough just getting it out would make it real if I wrote of a tropical paradise and blissful love I would be set there forever more if I sketched a path forward for those I love our blessings would be manifest if I enumerated human weakness we would be healed if I could write the perfect poem maybe everything would be better in the meantime I'll keep typing to amuse myself and unload some baggage maybe I'll stumble over perfection on the way

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mean 6.10 weighted 5.55 rank 2475 views 143 View voting details →

10 votes so far. Yours would make 11.10 votes so far

14 comments

[6] LuckyJoe 12-Sep-03/1:20 PM Reply

I was really enjoying it until then end. Was all serious then it went into "haha I'm trying to be funny."

"be manifest" just doesn't sonud right either.

[n/a] toward › LuckyJoe 12-Sep-03/1:25 PM Reply

wasn't really trying to be funny at the end - was looking for a way to wrap it up - thanks for the comment

[6] LuckyJoe 12-Sep-03/1:33 PM Reply

in the meantime
I'll keep typing
to amuse myself
and unload some baggage

maybe I'll stumble over perfection on the way
****************

That sums up what I've been reading in editors notes lately. A lot of editors say that poetry is getting longer and dragging on with everyone typing this day and age. Its just so easy for them to keep typing and typing I've found it to be true. Its all to easy to just keep going. It was never like that when I was hand writing everything.

I believe the poem would say as much if not more taking the lines from above totally out of it. Or maybe...

In the meantime
I'll keep working towards perfection,
Perhaps stumble upon it along the way.

[n/a] toward › LuckyJoe 12-Sep-03/1:48 PM Reply

Yeah, in thinking about your previous comment, I was wondering how it would be if I just left out those last lines. Somehow, I wanted to convey that I wasn't truly convinced of the stuff above... but I think maybe you're right. Thanks

[n/a] http://mulberryfairy › LuckyJoe 12-Sep-03/8:05 PM Reply

I heard Toni Morrison say that once, too. She said that with computer writing, people don't chose their words as carefully. You know I read that Flannery O'Connor, even well into her chronic pain and fatigue due to lupus, would start her writing each day by rewriting every line up to that point in the story, then continue from there. I'd never edit if I had to write that way, but notice how succinct her stories are. Anyway, the length of my comment shows that I am guilty.

[8] tadpole 12-Sep-03/2:01 PM Reply

I like it!

[7] horus8 12-Sep-03/5:00 PM Reply

chaos is the only pefection the universe knows. To organize lawfully in order to destroy repeatedly.

[7] SupremeDreamer › horus8 12-Sep-03/6:24 PM Reply

amen.

[4] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? › horus8 12-Sep-03/6:32 PM Reply

That doesn't mean anything at all.

[n/a] god'swife 12-Sep-03/5:20 PM Reply

The body rules the mind, don't fool yourself.

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 12-Sep-03/5:23 PM Reply

The first step is to include an ASCII pickle.

[4] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 12-Sep-03/5:30 PM Reply

I have already written the perfect poem. Maybe you might be able to write the second best poem or something.

[4] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? › ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 12-Sep-03/5:52 PM Reply

(See "THE BEST POEM EVER!!!!!!!")

[7] SupremeDreamer 12-Sep-03/6:27 PM Reply

stumbling and rolling around is a good way to learn about the grass.

"its green and soft"

yeah. i know. "Dur"

7

[mental note: dark, im MR. Simpleton, but your MISS FAGGOT.]