| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
I wish I had a friend (Free verse) by un_oying The glass is so cold
The body is bold
The flavor is old
2003 sure is a good year
I sip from the glass
I say itâs my last
I lied
I drink and I drink
Itâs to bad I canât think
Someone please tell me to stop
I stumble and mumble
My fingers they fumble
Oh where oh where are my keys
The walk from the bar
It sure seemed far
I canât wait to get home and sleep
The lights are so bright
From the darkest of night
Oh where oh where is the road
The last I remembered
It was my right of way
Now I lay here in the grave
I wish I had a friend.
Up the ladder:
If I Wrote The Perfect Poem
Down the ladder:
Sonnetias
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.1
Posted: October 11, 2003 6:29 PM PDT; Last modified: October 11, 2003 6:29 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.55 Overall Rank: 2478 Comments:
[6]
peaceseeker @ 24.97.224.6
|
12-Oct-03/9:48 AM
|
Reply
pretty depressing.
Remember, friends don't let friends use the wrong "to/two/too": 3rd stanza, "to" s/b "too".
I knew you were dead by S5. Cute; have a 6.
it's the truth. america has issues. hell all of the earth has issues.
Right now? We're wishing you had a friend too. It would spare us the trouble of foraging through your rubbish for a reason. A reason to why and how you've made it this far without losing a limb or accidentilly blaming the world for your stupidity. unless you have, then naturally, I apologize.
oh, dang...it was going along so well, and then the last four lines..ugh! also, >"Itâs to bad I canât think", should be TOO. I would be perfectly happy if you just dropped the last four lines...then I could give you a decent score...either that, or do something else with the ending.
195 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
