Re: a comment on sharkmouth by Bill Z Bub	31-Aug-03/1:15 AM
In the end they didn't fix it. They gave you something to cling to. A pain of your own. Something you could come baack to again & again. when I was a girl and my parents would argue I'd lie quiet in my bed and place my hand against the coolness of the wall. It felt like death and salvation all at once.
Re: As the Redwood Ages by DurtKL	31-Aug-03/12:33 AM
This is just so horrible.
Re: The Boxer by DreamerSupreme	27-Aug-03/11:13 AM
You can do better. It builds well but you can write better then this. It wouldn't take much to make this a good strong poem. Just take a look, I mean some of the errors are blantant. No one talks the way you're character talks, and in poetry it suppose to be idealized. Which this is not. Pretend you're character is smarter than you, more sophisticated. What the fuck, I'm wasting my time even trying to get through o you morons. Ciao.
Re: a comment on The Boxer by DreamerSupreme	27-Aug-03/11:07 AM
Picasso was an egocentic pig who beat and abused his women on a continuous basis. Lover, schmover.
Re: When Fairy Tales Forgive Us by J.B. Manning	21-Aug-03/10:21 AM
Not good.
Re: A Rose by LuckyJoe	18-Aug-03/10:54 AM
Ok first I love the 3rd line, not sure why yet but it has something to do with sound. I see beauty in imperfection as well so we become members of different camps at line 2, not good. Then it just pretty much falls apart. "CAUSE" is not a word. Also that last line is just Lauren Bacall in Key Largo.
Re: To Lesley by Bahookie	18-Aug-03/10:49 AM
Congratulations, the love you feel is the truest of all poetry. Re-work the last line. You jump from skin to heart, there must be a better segue.
Re: great caesar's ghost by bondjedi	18-Aug-03/10:42 AM
Always funny and concise.
Re: A gift by Birdman42s	18-Aug-03/10:35 AM
Nice sentiment, terrible poem.
Re: a comment on Sagadahoc to Hudson by http://mulberryfairy	14-Aug-03/10:34 AM
You see darling, here is a perfect example of what I mean. You trying to accomidate INTRANSIT because he didn't get it, so you came up with a way to make it clear, but what you came up with was forced. And then when speaking to me you say "I do hate to go over a bridge when I can see the rails" WOW there's a line there's an image that ties right into the meaning of the poem! She can see over the rail, and it's a long fucking way down, and she's just so ready to jump off. Plus you introduce the bridge for INTRANSIT just the way you wanted. Let your natural voice, which has all the insight necessary for poetry, be the poem. You are a poet.
Re: a comment on Sagadahoc to Hudson by http://mulberryfairy	13-Aug-03/6:05 PM
But I can't see the forest for those analytical trees. Stop explaining, just tell. Either I get it, or I don't, but don't spoil the poetry/insight with (for lack of a better word)sub-titles. Funny, every time I want to explain myself to you I start speaking in personal little analogies and it just comes out muttled. It must be a sign. Let me think. In the eleventh stanza, you create this fabulous rythm in the first 3 lines; The BUS was the BEST... NiiiiiinTee dollars, RUOOOOOOUUUND trip. From the Sagadahoc to the Hudson(great sounding line, really top-notch, and it's the Title, perfect) and suddenly I'm dumped into the cold river of I'd have to cover my height sick eyes. First of all, what is, and why, a Heightsick? It's an obscure image/reference, but most importantly, it's an ugly-sounding word. Find a substitiute, get back in the flow. Stanza 12, you don't need the word "then" at the beginning. At this point you're reminding yourself of the details, but the audience is distracted by unimportant things, like the word "then", it explains to YOU a sequence, but to the reader it just bores him, breaks up the rythm... well theres just no charm to it. Maybe that's just a personal thing. I'm glad you think the bus just absolutely had to breakdown. Now think about why she couldn't stop it herself? Why did fate have to intervene? One reason maybe because sex is a force of its own. Now explain that to me, how the bus saved her because she would never be able to save herself. the thing is, you have to tell me the truth, your very own truth. There is no quick fix here. You are old enough and experienced enough, good mother, to really explore. But on your boots and pack your knife, confront the fucking beautiful tragic reality of being human. It may take time, but you'll come back intact, and ready to tell me a story.
Re: a comment on Sagadahoc to Hudson by http://mulberryfairy	13-Aug-03/7:30 AM
First of all I want to tell you I respect you a great deal, for holdding to your beliefs, for having the self-esteem and self-awareness to take whatever critism comes you're way with an incredible amount of humor and class. Don't make the poem unsexy, even if in the end you come to the revelation that a good fuck isn't worht all the turmoil and guilt. "It's harder to justify this kind of affair" vs. being caught up in passion? Neither has nor needs a justification. They just are. Our inner life is so complicated we do many things we cannot later explain, we shouldn't pass judgement, I think. Try writing it completely bare-boned and see what it look likes. Got to go I'll be back in a few.
Re: a comment on Sagadahoc to Hudson by http://mulberryfairy	12-Aug-03/3:57 PM
they this is written I get the feeling you are trying to justify the reasons for your actions. The reason is the justification. I see a hint of that insight. The impulse of sex, the satisfying drama of a real good fuck, is one form love takes. Our culture deems it immoral. I think it's important to wonder at your own brashness, your overtly erotic life. Slash away at the lies about sex and loving, but lines like ...oral possibilities... ...regretful announcement...I mean these same lines are in a poem about sexual objectification, and exploits of the nasty kind. These lines are too shy and nerdy for this poem. Don't be shy, just write it. "Fellow passengers"???????? Do you speak this way to your friends or at home? "And then, my fellow passengers broke out in song" arduous potholes which jolt the bus(this line sounds convoluted)
Re: Sagadahoc to Hudson by http://mulberryfairy	12-Aug-03/10:41 AM
I think if you called it, A Letter to Hustler Magazine, it would work. A comburesome poem. If this really happened then try to write with the erotizism you felt. If you made this up then ditch it intil you have a real lowdown nasty experience then take that nasty feeling and write with it, because right now it's too long and unsexy.
Re: Inet. mag. editors R jealous red haired Jews, oh and I'm 29 by horus8	11-Aug-03/8:16 AM
I love this poem, because it's actually about you. It's real, not just some opinion or current event analysis. Reading this I recognize why 99.9% of the shit on here is shit, it lacks meaning. Nobody likes to got to the place they're from, or maybe they're just to stupid to know how. Saying that I think you should offer this poem as a stand alone and though I agree with you're editorial it detracts.
Re: A Fistful of Haiku Lives by HaikuMofo	11-Aug-03/8:08 AM
Love the Tommy and the use of "What's the deal with that" I Don't know enough about Haikus yet to really comment, but I'm going to learn!
Re: Stalker by OnTheOtherHand	11-Aug-03/8:05 AM
Childish, in every aspect.
Re: Myopic Labotomized Hubris by Retaliate	11-Aug-03/8:01 AM
ugh. I love the idea, but it's more a curse/swear at this point. Can you expand it and add a little more poetry? But I do agree, Fuck Bush.
Re: Watching My Childhood Vanish by Caducus	8-Aug-03/8:07 AM
Great. Light use of words, but still a few things which torture it. Get rid of the last two lines, it's redundant. You left the reader with a strong enough image, let him figure it out for himself, he's guaranteed to.
Re: How I fuck Freud off in the shower by horus8	7-Aug-03/7:23 AM
You fucked me in the shower once,remember? Then you started acting all mean and distant and I went back to fucking David. Sometimes we're nothing but meat. Good story. I believe the truth is always preferable, and you're so wonderfully blatant with it. It helps me understand myself.